The folks

“Been a follower for over a decade, and truly appreciate your content,” says Jay, dishing up the MSU required to sate me. “Keep it up!”

So J and his wife are Millennials and first generation Canadians. Both sets of parents are in their 70s, retired. His folks are, by national standards, wealthy. Hers are desperate. “I’m sure one of these situations will apply to many of your followers, and would look forward to the guidance,” he said. This is the story…

My parents are in their early 70s and own a paid off property in the GTA. A nice 7 figure, tax-free payday should they chose to cash out. They have hinted of wanting to move in with us in the coming years, way out here in the prairies. My parents have a great pension, and both parents get government cheques for OAS and CPP that easily covers their current expenses. They have about 500k in RRSP investments in MFs and no TFSA.

So, what do we do with the proceeds from the potential real estate transaction? It will eventually likely become inheritance to me and my siblings. How do we go about maximizing the growth while they are still kicking? More importantly, how do we move the money from the boomers to the millennials efficiently?  How do we navigate these waters so we avoid as much taxation as possible, and don’t suddenly fall on expensive lawyer fees and other taxes related to estate transfers at time of passing? Is there any place for large financial gifts to their kids to help us stuff our RRSPs and TFSA’s?

I know there is a will, but not what’s in it. Discussion around it is mute as my parents don’t like to talk about the inevitable future. They also don’t like spending a dime when it is not needed. I also don’t like bringing up these topics with them as they feel we are trying to take away power and control from them.

My other half, well her parents are in a completely separate boat, that seems to be sinking quick. They are in their mid late 70s. They live entirely off government cheques. No pensions. Only 1 of them gets CPP. No assets – just about $50k in cash sitting in savings. They lost all their money in poor investment in the market years back and do not trust going back in it for 1 second. They are fortunate to have a good spot they rent that is stable and very affordable. They live the simplest of lives.

I keep asking my wife to let me invest their cash in a 60/40, one stop ETF, but she keeps on giving me a hard no, and says they don’t want to invest. However, they seem to be open to suggestion on other facets of life. Not sure whether there is a will there (probably something to enquire about). What can I do to help them maintain the value of their money in this inflationary time? Love the blog.”

You might love it less in a few minutes.

First, Jay’s folks should definitely sell the GTA house. Never been a better time to cash in on the idiocy of the masses, who will pay obscene amounts in a blind auction for anything with dirt. If they rent or move in with family they’ll have a seven-figure nestegg that could double in size in a decade or, better still, throw off five grand a month to finance trips and a new Tesla. Given the low rate environment today and the steady reopening of the global economy, a well-managed 60/40 portfolio would work well. Max all TFSA room, sell off the costly mutual funds and dump most into a joint non-registered account so if one parent dies before the other, there’s no taxable event, no probate, no delay.

As for giving the money to the children, lots of options. Kids can be the beneficiaries of a will. Non-registered cash can be moved into their hands without tax, but investment assets (stocks, funds etc.) are deemed to have been sold on the day of death and taxes are payable by the estate. Plus probate fees. And, yes, you need a lawyer and an accountant. Funds in RRSPs can be passed on by a will but are fully taxable, unlike TFSAs. Future gains in those are taxable in the hands of the beneficiary.

Kids can sign on as joint owners of a non-registered account prior to the parents passing, and that will facilitate a quick transfer. But gains in a non-reg account attributed to the person passing (in this case that would be almost everything) are taxable at death. So, remember – joint ownership does not give a free pass on capital gains taxes. The hit remains on the terminal tax return (which must be filed within six months). And get a professional executor with a seven-figure estate. Not one of the spawn.

So, what about a gift before Mr.Reaper arrives?

Yes, Canada is free of any gift tax. Anybody receiving a gift or inheritance from any source (other than an employer) need not include this in taxable income. But with any gift of a thing – whether it’s stocks, real estate, hockey cards, gold wafer, Bitcoin or an ETF – the giver is deemed to have sold it at fair market value and will be taxed accordingly.

Those are the tax rules. Now let’s talk ethics, Jay.

Your parents are rich. Hers are struggling. Investing their fifty grand will do nothing but create stress and tension while providing no serious income. Not worth it. If your parents sell the house and suddenly have $1.5 million, then move in and gift you hundreds of thousands the least you can do is invest property and use the income – all of it – to pay your wife’s parents’ rent. Five hundred thou in a B&D portfolio should throw off two grand a month (after tax), which would make a major improvement in their lives.

Will you ever get it back? In spades. Gratitude, and the knowledge you acted well. Plus your wife will love you forever.

In the meantime, Jay, watch the tone. The greed is palpable, and ugly. Don’t obsess over the taxless and hassle-free way to get wealth you did not earn. Your folks may grant you riches. You partner’s parents gave you her. No comparison.

About the picture(s): “I thought you might like a doggie picture for the blog,” offers Adrianna. “This is our Barbet (French Water dog) Pippin. He gets a haircut every spring to keep him clean and goes from a shaggy beast to a naked pup! No one ever recognizes him on walks after the hair cut. All the best!”

139 comments ↓

#1 SW on 05.03.21 at 2:01 pm

Excellent financial advice and marriage counselling!
We don’t pay enough for this.

#2 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 2:03 pm

Elderly parents investing their last $50k?
What’s the point.

As for the rich parents and your “inheritance”… might not be anything to brag about after the Long Term Care Facilities and the tax man finish with it….

#3 45north on 05.03.21 at 2:06 pm

In the meantime, Jay, watch the tone. The greed is palpable, and ugly. Don’t obsess over the tax-less and hassle-free way to get wealth you did not earn. Your folks may grant you riches. You partner’s parents gave you her. No comparison.

great advice!

#4 TurnerNation on 05.03.21 at 2:10 pm

Wags are calling for an immediate lockdown of our Premier’s refrigerator followed with a Circuit Breaker approach to Uber Eats deliveries.

– I mentioned here months ago that any new spending at the City level will on the Poverty/Homeless Industry.

Tourism have been killed, I mean who would pay and visit a country with city and provincial armed checkpoints; curfews; empty downtowns and closed stores – ruins?
Many of the airport hotels and a few city hotels are now Camps for the returning citizens, or permanent Homeless shelters. The permanent lockdowns feed this.
US Border remains closed – we are locked in this open air tax slave camp.

Are we gunning for a Consumer Recession 2022-2024 (Government-induced?)

In BC:

“The province spent $63.8 million for the Patricia Hotel and nearby parking lot; $4.9 million for the hotel at 956 Main St.; and $6.8 million for 1012 Main St. The federal government spent a total of $56.7 million to buy 103 E. Hastings St., 1025 Granville St. and 435 W.Apr. 2, 2021
BC Housing Goes on Vancouver Hotel Buying Spree | The Tyee”

#5 Repurchase Disagreement on 05.03.21 at 2:10 pm

“Your folks may grant you riches. You partner’s parents gave you her. No comparison.”

Your best line ever, Garth!

#6 YVROptimist on 05.03.21 at 2:12 pm

As the husband of an estate lawyer I have heard many comments over the years passed about situations just like this.

What Garth wrote above could have come from my wife’s lips, verbatim.

Take heed, all, this is golden advice – especially the family dynamic aspect.

#7 Millennial 1%er on 05.03.21 at 2:15 pm

The first thing that girls ask me when I go out on dates with them is “how much do your parents have in their RRSPs & TFSAs?”

#8 ogdoad on 05.03.21 at 2:22 pm

lovin’ how people will even vulch their own parents…I truly hope that the parents decide to buy a Tesla, go on long trips, eat fancy prunes and dates all the while smirking at their children.

*News flash!!* ITS NOT YOUR MONEY. You are not entitled to it!! Make your own!!

Then we’ll talk about your values at the next Cry group, J.

Og

#9 Stone on 05.03.21 at 2:24 pm

#7 Millennial 1%er on 05.03.21 at 2:15 pm
The first thing that girls ask me when I go out on dates with them is “how much do your parents have in their RRSPs & TFSAs?”

———

Run!!!

#10 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 2:29 pm

Things heating up in the South China Sea?

Time to invest the parents money in Munitions manufacturers …..

https://www.reuters.com/world/asia-pacific/philippines-foreign-minister-issues-expletive-laced-tweet-over-china-sea-dispute-2021-05-03/

#11 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 2:31 pm

@#7 Millenial 1% er
“The first thing that girls ask me when I go out on dates with them is “how much do your parents have in their RRSPs & TFSAs?””

++++
Surely a Lower Brain Land resident

#12 VladTor on 05.03.21 at 2:34 pm

Garth, for last 2-3 weeks this is the best post! Very good / useful financial advices.

I’m thinking Jay should help his wife parents now. They all one family!

In this post best is after financial advices – “The greed is palpable, and ugly. Don’t obsess over the taxless and hassle-free way to get wealth you did not earn.”

Gold words!

#13 Gb on 05.03.21 at 2:42 pm

Might be one of my favourite final lines in 20 years reading this blog.

Many Kids today have been gifted so much wealth that they did not earn….it skews reality.

Well done Garth.

#14 just a dude on 05.03.21 at 2:43 pm

Not that it necessarily applies in this particular case, but every time I hear someone speak of their parents’ assets as essentially belonging to them, it irks me to no end.

How do these people know what their parents plan to do with their assets? Why is it any of their business? What if their parents have favourite charities that they wish to support instead of their kids?

I personally find this sense of arrogant entitlement revolting and completely lacking in integrity. Unfortunately, I seem to be witnessing more of this kind of behaviour lately.

Mr. Turner, you continue to impress.

Very noble, outstanding advice. Thank you for all that you do, Sir.

#15 Dolce Vita on 05.03.21 at 2:48 pm

Wow.

You got to me with that last paragraph.

You’re a good man Garth Turner.

#16 Ponzius Pilatus on 05.03.21 at 2:53 pm

#6 YVROptimist on 05.03.21 at 2:12 pm
As the husband of an estate lawyer I have heard many comments over the years passed about situations just like this.

What Garth wrote above could have come from my wife’s lips, verbatim.

Take heed, all, this is golden advice – especially the family dynamic aspect.
————–
I have learned the hard way, that once the word “WILL” is uttered, the “family dynamic aspect” goes down the toilet.

#17 Richard L on 05.03.21 at 2:54 pm

Don’t be too harsh on Jay Garth (and everyone else).

I have seen a number of cases where the refusal of elderly parents to deal with their estate in a logical way has caused a great deal of trouble in the family after they have passed. Often these problems come from a failure to liquidate real estate.

As a boomer , my goal is to ensure that my estate planning ensures that my children do not have problems when I die. Leaving a financial mess is not what I want as a legacy.

#18 Irene Chen on 05.03.21 at 2:57 pm

Such a sweet post. Makes me want to cry.

#19 Ponzius Pilatus on 05.03.21 at 2:58 pm

The way I see it, the word “greed” is more often associated with richer people than with poorer ones.
Money begets Money.
But greed is good, is it not.

#20 Ponzius Pilatus on 05.03.21 at 3:02 pm

#10 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 2:29 pm
Things heating up in the South China Sea?

Time to invest the parents money in Munitions manufacturers …..

https://www.reuters.com/world/asia-pacific/philippines-foreign-minister-issues-expletive-laced-tweet-over-china-sea-dispute-2021-05-03/
—————
Was the tweet in Cantonese or Mandarin?
Don’t worry about China, if there is a next WW, it will start in the Middle East.

#21 bw on 05.03.21 at 3:06 pm

Your advice today- very sound

Your closing comments re tone- priceless!!

#22 Mean Gene on 05.03.21 at 3:07 pm

Personally, I am NOT a fan of referring to a spouse as the other half, everyone should strive to be complete a human.

#23 Brian Ripley on 05.03.21 at 3:12 pm

Inheritance is a one time event.
Cash flow is a life event.

My CANADIAN PROVINCIAL EMPLOYMENT EARNINGS charts are up with the latest data (FEB print):
http://www.chpc.biz/earnings.html

Average Alberta earnings are now $64,579 and are:
5% above Ontario​
9% above the national Canadian average
11% above BC and
15% above Quebec (no typo). ​​

​Since the crash into MAR 2009 earnings have increased 37% in AB, 42% in BC, 43% nationally, 44% in ON, and 46% in QC.

Earnings Drop Since Peak

Peak FEB 2021 0.0% Canada
Peak FEB 2021 0.0% ON
Peak JAN 2021 -0.4% QC
Peak MAY 2020 -0.5% BC
Peak MAY 2020 -0.8% MB
Peak MAY 2020 -1.1% AB
Peak APR 2020 -1.8% NB
Peak MAY 2020 -4.3% NS
Peak MAY 2020 -4.9% SK
Peak MAY 2020 -5.5% NFL
Peak JUN 2020 -5.8% PEI

#24 The West on 05.03.21 at 3:13 pm

“In the meantime, Jay, watch the tone. The greed is palpable, and ugly. Don’t obsess over the taxless and hassle-free way to get wealth you did not earn. Your folks may grant you riches. You partner’s parents gave you her. No comparison.”

A tip of the hat sir.

#25 BlogDog123 on 05.03.21 at 3:14 pm

I always love Garth’s blog-dog surveys. How about something like this, GT:

1) Have you ever had fights with siblings over deceased parents’ estate. How ugly was it scale 1-5 (1=amicable, 5=lawyers still fighting with swords)
2) Have you ever witnessed someone take advantage of their elderly parents near end-of-life, siphoning money, pitting one sibling vs. other,…
3) Do you have a proper lawyer will drafted, PoA, PoA-personal-care, competent executor, …
4) etc…

You’d be surprised how many people I know at work who don’t have a will/PoA or even signed up for company RSP matching… yikes…

#26 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 3:25 pm

@#20 Predictable Ponzie’s Predictions…
“if there is a next WW, it will start in the Middle East.”

++++
Wars in the Middle East are endless.
China’s military buildup in the last decade is unparalleled.
You dont build that many ships, planes, tanks , missiles , etc etc etc without the intention of using them.

The South China Sea is only the beginning.
They have 150 years of Western humiliation to pay back.

#27 ElGatoNerodeYVR on 05.03.21 at 3:31 pm

20 Ponzius Pilatus on 05.03.21 at 3:02 pm
#10 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 2:29 pm
Things heating up in the South China Sea?

Time to invest the parents money in Munitions manufacturers …..

https://www.reuters.com/world/asia-pacific/philippines-foreign-minister-issues-expletive-laced-tweet-over-china-sea-dispute-2021-05-03/
—————
Was the tweet in Cantonese or Mandarin?
Don’t worry about China, if there is a next WW, it will start in the Middle East.
==============
If I were a betting man I would go all in for Africa as the next proxy war location. That is where the resources are and that is why IMHO China is saber rattling in the South China Sea ; it is all a distraction, they are literally buying up Africa one country at a time for their resources and cheap labor.

#28 Grey Dog on 05.03.21 at 3:32 pm

Agree with you Garth with your comments regarding greedy attitude.

However, I disagree with paying the in-laws rent. He may be taking away their pride in that they are currently paying their own way. Yet in a similar measure, I have filled cupboards, fridge and freezer with the necessities that I always got a “really good deal on”. (Honestly, they will really never know how much you actually paid…) yet added without ceremony. It helps in a quiet way.

#29 ElGatoNerodeYVR on 05.03.21 at 3:38 pm

Talking about J and the family dynamics, if your parents move in with you together with their millions while your in-laws subsist at the poverty level your marriage is all but done ,just a matter of time until you get taken to the cleaners, deservingly so I must say.
I would recommend you work out a budget where you can help them out with their rent or something similar ,at least offer it and show your SO you are willing and it will go a looooong way towards your future happiness.
Blood is thicker than water and you will support your children no matter if married to their mother or not ,so don’t upset her.
Relationship is something you invest in all the time and you have to work on and adapt .

#30 Grey Dog on 05.03.21 at 3:39 pm

Would also like to add here…the Church I attend in the GTA used to give cash money when strangers would show up saying they needed financial assistance. Yet once we started handing out gift cards for the local grocery stores, requests for financial help completely dried up.

#31 Inequity on 05.03.21 at 3:40 pm

#7 Millennial 1%er

Its a shame that prostitution is so out in the open…

I would tell them “More than your cat is worth”

#32 Interstellar Old Yeller on 05.03.21 at 3:41 pm

Garth, possibly the best advice I’ve ever seen on your blog, which is saying a lot.

Jay, take the difficult (but excellent) advice. You become the kind of person who puts family before money by actually doing it.

#33 Inequity on 05.03.21 at 3:44 pm

…that last paragraph.

Best post ever Garth. Thank you.
Some people can’t see the value of what they already have.

#34 Ambi and Vasu on 05.03.21 at 3:59 pm

We have not heard anything from the parents of Jay and his wife.

We need to hear from their parents to make an informed and balanced decision before jumping to conclusions. Their parents views may be completely different to what Jay has presented here

#35 Oakville Rocks! on 05.03.21 at 4:00 pm

I love the last paragraph too! Great advice and a great reminder to properly assess what you have.

Also, the parents are only in their 70’s – they have a lot of life left. It seems a little early to make plans for their money. On the other hand, given his wife’s folks situation, it is not too early to make plans to assist them in some way. I would do so without counting on money.
from his parents.

#28 GreyDog has some great advice there.

#36 Kona on 05.03.21 at 4:07 pm

I agree Garth that the greed is palpable and ugly. Jay needs to accept that there are probably very good reasons why his parents won’t talk about the will – the most obvious is that the will may not be all about him.

Can’t make up my mind if this is also a case of arrogance or ageism? Perhaps a bit of both.

#37 Lenny on 05.03.21 at 4:10 pm

Don’t be too hard on him. Our family members of that vintage were notoriously secretive (and some incredibly stupid) when it came to money and estate. The kids, all kept clueless to the end, had to fight and clean up the residual mess. We aren’t doing that- our kids are kept informed, but are decidedly NOT allowed to be entitled.

#38 Joe on 05.03.21 at 4:18 pm

When the markets are hot everyone thinks they are an investor. J stay out of inlaws financial affairs, if you are asked for advice you tell them to get a financial advisor and get professional advice. Why would you want to play investor hero to your inlaws, anything goes wrong based on your decisions you pay in spades, why go down that road.

I get asked all the time and my answer is i know no more than you do…its just not worth it.

#39 Ponzius Pilatus on 05.03.21 at 4:22 pm

#23 Brian
Thanks Brian for the update.
So AB is still the King of the hill and the other Provinces are trying to catch up.
Would not know that from the constant complaining by the Alberta blog dogs here.

#40 Pricedoutmillenial on 05.03.21 at 4:22 pm

Your folks may grant you riches. You partner’s parents gave you her. No comparison.

——————————————————

Clapping.. Great words of advice.. Much Respect from a fanboy..

#41 Ballingsford on 05.03.21 at 4:27 pm

Great post Garth! Too many millenials out there relying on inheritances and have nothing nice to say about the boomer generation.

#42 Ken on 05.03.21 at 4:28 pm

Garth — I don’t know what to say…as advice goes that was a GRAND SLAM!

#43 Relieved in Victoria on 05.03.21 at 4:28 pm

I am a longtime lurker. Thought I would share my story about how this market can cause self-professed rational people to act irrationally. I never would have, in a million years, thought I would be entering a bidding war for a house with little or no due diligence allowed. BUT, a house we had been admiring for years came on the market recently in Victoria. Great location, amazing views and seemingly good bones. Needed pretty much everything but that’s OK so long as price reflects that. We were able to see the house with a friend who was a builder (absolutely no time possible to arrange a full inspection). My builder friend pointed out some obvious problems but no deal breakers but also noted the wire mesh around the house – a clear sign of trying to keep rodents out. Now rodents in Victoria are a fact of living here so the wire mesh was not out of the ordinary. However on the way out of the house we noticed several holes in the ground which was troubling. On short notice we managed to get a pest controller into the house the next day. He pointed out numerous areas on the exterior that had been rat proofed. Inside he found evidence of rat poop everywhere on the lower level. But the big kicker was the rat urine. He had a UV light that showed rat urine on almost every horizontal surface in the lower level and coming through the ceiling in many places upstairs and downstairs. The exposed urine can be cleaned up and deodorized, but the urine in the walls and ceiling is there to stay unless you take all the drywall down. Even if you leave the urine, it may smell in the summer when temperatures go up. He also noted that while rats do not seem to gnaw modern wiring much they do like some types of plastic pipe. Bottom line – we cannot live in a house full of rat pee so did not make an offer. BUT if we had not had our friend the builder come through with us we may have been “FOMOed” into making an unconditional offer without any idea of the rodent infestation and contamination. Yikes! We are done with this market. The market will cool and conditional offers will become the norm again.

#44 Broke on 05.03.21 at 4:28 pm

“You partner’s parents gave you her. No comparison.”

Bloody hell, I’ll have to divorce them too?

#45 Joe on 05.03.21 at 4:30 pm

J, your parents dont like to talk about estates etc. One day at the right time, say hey mom and dad i have my future finance plan all together and want to go through/share it with you, tell them your plan, ask them what they think. This may open the door.

#46 DON on 05.03.21 at 4:37 pm

#27 ElGatoNerodeYVR on 05.03.21 at 3:31 pm
20 Ponzius Pilatus on 05.03.21 at 3:02 pm
#10 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 2:29 pm
Things heating up in the South China Sea?

Time to invest the parents money in Munitions manufacturers …..

https://www.reuters.com/world/asia-pacific/philippines-foreign-minister-issues-expletive-laced-tweet-over-china-sea-dispute-2021-05-03/
—————
Was the tweet in Cantonese or Mandarin?
Don’t worry about China, if there is a next WW, it will start in the Middle East.
==============
If I were a betting man I would go all in for Africa as the next proxy war location. That is where the resources are and that is why IMHO China is saber rattling in the South China Sea ; it is all a distraction, they are literally buying up Africa one country at a time for their resources and cheap labor.

**********
Will it be a proxy war or a direct war?

Iran Israel Syria Sudan behind the scenes proxy war or direct conflict over Taiwan?

Australia and China relations are getting worse.

You can definitely see countries picking sides. If you start a war in the mddle east…while resources are busy safe guarding oil…China moves on Taiwan?

Or maybe just a cyber/economic cold war.

Great post about greed Garth.

#47 Jen on 05.03.21 at 4:44 pm

This is my favourite post of yours to date, Garth. Yes, we all need to be sensible but we need to also help, especially family. Thank you!

#48 Carla on 05.03.21 at 4:59 pm

Wise words every day, Garth. Thank you.

Today’s post hit especially close to home. Mom died unexpectedly, intestate, so it’s been a challenge settling her estate.

Greed (especially for the unearned, perceived “entitlements”) is insidious. It’s good to remember the love that begat the blessings received.

Thank you also for reminding this blog dog of what really matters.

#49 under the radar on 05.03.21 at 5:19 pm

If J was a mensch he would already be helping his in-laws when and where he could .

#50 GrumpyPanda on 05.03.21 at 5:21 pm

Occasionally I think of asking my sisters if we should ask our parents to cut us out of the will and skip a generation. Might live to regret that though.

#51 Smartalox on 05.03.21 at 5:21 pm

@Brian Ripley:

From personal experience, my wife and I may contributed to the boost in average earnings reported in AB when we moved there from BC last October.

Ostensibly, we moved to be closer to her parents during the pandemic – in case anything were to happen to them, but it also meant that we were able to buy 2x the home we could have afforded in Vancouver – and at half the price!

‘Working from home’ we now import two six-figure paycheques to spend locally on goods and services.

#52 Stone on 05.03.21 at 5:21 pm

#31 Inequity on 05.03.21 at 3:40 pm
#7 Millennial 1%er

Its a shame that prostitution is so out in the open…

I would tell them “More than your cat is worth”

———

Cats. I’m sure it’s plural.

#53 Tripp on 05.03.21 at 5:24 pm

#17 Richard L on 05.03.21 at 2:54 pm

Good point. I have experienced this first-hand in my family, not necessarily because of the parents being reluctant to leave everything to their children (they did), I would rather call it an inability to accept that there will be a time when sorting out the paperwork will be much more difficult for various reasons. The situation got solved, but involved more time, effort and money, including two flights in the country of origin.

#54 Bigguy on 05.03.21 at 5:28 pm

“I know there is a will, but not what’s in it. Discussion around it is mute as my parents don’t like to talk about the inevitable future. They also don’t like spending a dime when it is not needed. I also don’t like bringing up these topics with them as they feel we are trying to take away power and control from them.”

LOL! It’s pretty likely they don’t like to talk about the will and/or money with you because they are well aware that you, their offspring, are greedy and entitled rather than because they want to avoid thinking about their inevitable demise. Believe me, once you hit 50 or so and start to slow down a bit you are well aware that your time is limited. And it’s pretty apparent you are trying to take power and control away from them. Your entire post is about how you can get your greedy mitts on their money before they are even in the ground. NOT YOUR MONEY!

#55 InOttawa2012 on 05.03.21 at 5:29 pm

If I paid one side’s expenses with the other’s perceived funds I would be drawn and quartered. I like the sentiment but don’t think it’s that straight forward, speaking as someone lucky enough to have both sides well established but underlying animosity.

#56 Nothing Surprises on 05.03.21 at 5:34 pm

You have said what is important and scored a hole-in-one today.
We are in our mid 70’s and when I read your sentence about they gave you her, I got the same feeling in my throat and eyes as when I hear Last Post at Remembrance Day! Well said.Thanks Garth.

#57 Sask to AB on 05.03.21 at 5:42 pm

Outstanding post, Garth. Thank you.

F58AB

#58 Another Deckchair on 05.03.21 at 5:48 pm

@14 just a dude:

“How do these people know what their parents plan to do with their assets? Why is it any of their business? ”

One of my parents is still with us.

We told this parent “SPEND IT! It’s yours, enjoy it.”

So, yes, it is our business – it’s all out on the table – none of the offspring are scheming to make off with the loot.

Makes life a lot easier.

#59 Blobby on 05.03.21 at 5:57 pm

I dont know whats wrong with kids today

At age of 16, I left home. My folks ALWAYS made it apparent that if i failed, I could always come home, But life awaited and i should skip the nest like my other brothers did (they both joined army, i chose life)

I shake my head at kids* still at home in their 20s/30s

* yes – KIDS – if you cant fend for yourself, you’re a child.

Now, I may not have made a life as AMAZING as i would’ve liked.. But I did more well than most…

At least I did it on my own.

Side note : Im now in my 40’s. my folks are over 90. They dont have anything to give me, and id never accept it even if they offered.

I want my folks to have the best life they can in the years they have left. If it means they eat all their savings/property/etc.. So be it.

#60 Islandgirl on 05.03.21 at 5:59 pm

Love the advice Garth! Speaking of parents, my parents have moved in with us after deciding living with the grandkids on Vancouver Island much more preferable to Cowtown. They pay rent (their desision) and contribute occasionally to groceries (again by their choice). We reap the benefits of having the grandparents around in their later years, and being able to keep an eye on them when their senses go.
Thankfully their pensions and goverment cheques cover their monthly expenses, and that leaves their nest egg tucked away for when they may need extra care.

#61 Boomer Bill on 05.03.21 at 5:59 pm

#50 GrumpyPanda on 05.03.21 at 5:21 pm

“Occasionally I think of asking my sisters if we should ask our parents to cut us out of the will and skip a generation. Might live to regret that though.”
—————————————————————-

That’s exactly what we did with our kids voluntarily. Our inheritance from our parents, which was substantial but which we didn’t need, was passed on to our kids. Gave them a great start in their adult lives.

#62 Scott on 05.03.21 at 6:03 pm

Wow pretty unanimous support. I thought your closing paragraph was a bit harsh.

I read J’s position as “how do I” assuming he wants to be knowledgeable in case his parents elect to go that direction. Not “how do I” because he is going to bully them in to doing something they don’t want to do.

Overall I agree with the general sentiment in the comments, great advice from GT, as usual. The knowledge is invaluable to every one who reads this blog as well as the countless others that the readers pass enough info along to point friends/family to become more knowledgeable.

My parents told my two brothers and I that we can put ourselves through school and buy our own houses etc. When they go they’re giving it all away to charity. We all respect that it’s their choice to make.

I decided to throw in 2500$ for my new born first nephew to get his RESP started. My parents heard about it and want to do the same. I told em to wait for next Jan and they can throw in 2500$ to get the max annual grant of 500$.

Don’t expect others to spend their money the way you would like them to but some times leading by example can make an impact.

#63 Tudval on 05.03.21 at 6:04 pm

OMG, look at Alberta, I think they need some government intervention. You can’t allow all those people to buy houses, at the very least tax the out-of-province folks out of the province..

#64 Tom Selleck and Kurt Browning are SOOOO Sexy! on 05.03.21 at 6:08 pm

You forgot about reverse mortgages, Garth.

The solution to all financial planning questions for seniors!

#65 VanGirl on 05.03.21 at 7:17 pm

“You partner’s parents gave you her. No comparison.” So sweet and true :)

#66 Tempered on 05.03.21 at 7:36 pm

Where there is a will, there is a Jay!

#67 Dr V on 05.03.21 at 7:40 pm

I don’t like any of this, and I disagree with Garth, except for sell the GTA house.

First, J’s folks could still easily have 20 years, or more, left, with who knows what plans. J has to stay the heck out while they are in good health.

And let’s try a little more direct approach. Why not just
ask J’s folks to support his in-laws? I mean they’re “rich”, Right? That will fly, won’t it? They’ll
do that if they aren’t greedy won’t they? (sarc off)

So what’s the easiest fix? Have J’s in-laws move in with
him now.

#68 Stahom on 05.03.21 at 7:52 pm

Jay, I miss my mom and dad more than the residue of the estate can possibly make up for. Soak up your time With them and encourage them to live their best life even if that puts a huge draw on their net worth.

I’m a lucky one with decent in-laws I like and would help them however possible. They are healthy and in their 80s and wife and I are cheerleading their vacationing despite their lifelong frugal nature, even covering flights if they hesitate.

Father in-law, retired cop, responded well to updating will(45 years old), personal directive (none) and POA (None) when we explained that if he had an event that left him incapacitated we wouldn’t be unable to “just pull the plug” as he requests, but that we would put him in a corner and he would be the equivalent of a potted plant. New docs within 3 weeks.

#69 The joy of steerage on 05.03.21 at 8:05 pm

BIG disagreement about the microchips it seems……

#70 Raffael on 05.03.21 at 8:06 pm

There are some things money can’t buy.
For everything else there’s master card.

#71 Millennial on 05.03.21 at 8:08 pm

Garth, great post! I have a question for the blog dogs. How common is it in your personal experiences that parents favour one child over other(s) in terms of inheritance? I have never really thought much about the inheritance question and I have certainly never included it in the long-term financial plans (married, four small kids, usual financial struggles of a young family, but making steady financial progress through strict cost management, tax free accounts etc.), but then one day my parents started the inheritance discussion along the lines “Your older sister has helped us more in life (I left home at 18 to study, get jobs, start my own family etc.; my sister has never really stopped living with my parents) and you have also been more capable in life (my sister is a uni. prof with basically a guaranteed job for life; I am in the private sector which my parents assume equals higher salary than my sister’s earnings; but it has most likely been a wash, I do not know) so the inheritance split between your sister and you will be about 70/30…and we are communicating this to you now so that you do not think we are doing something behind your back…” Honestly, I did not have much to answer. I managed something along the lines “I love you and I have never thought I would be getting anything and whatever money you have (substantial wealth mostly in RE) should be used to support whatever lifestyle / life choices you make in the years to come, but when it comes to me and my sister, I have kind of always assumed we are equal while our life trajectories have been naturally quite different… Until then, the relationship with my parents had been excellent with frequent visits etc. Since then, not so much with my parents strongly disliking my polite, but firm push back that I and my sister are morally equal in this matter regardless of how they arrange things legally, yet they are of course free to do whatever they want and that’s how it will be in the end. I upset them even more when I told them that in my family whatever inheritance will be left will be divided strictly in equal parts among my children regardless of how they decide to live their lives once my prime parenting role is over.

#72 Cottagers STAY THE HELL AWAY! on 05.03.21 at 8:14 pm

‘CRIME

8 from GTA charged following gathering at Muskoka cottage’

https://globalnews.ca/news/7829550/muskoka-gathering-charges/amp/

I know who filed the report. Hundreds more are coming. Open up your wallets, all you inbred southern hillbillies. Get ready for more fines as well as unexpected repairs to your cars and cottages.

We don’t need you jeopardizing our health system.

Cottage season 2021 is not happening.

Got it, all you selfish psychopaths from Oakville!?

Just.

Stay.

Home.

#73 Macronical on 05.03.21 at 8:29 pm

Suzanne Rogers posed with Trump, but look at those crazy eyes:

https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/socialite-suzanne-rogers-attends-amfar-inspiration-gala-during-the-picture-id180089556?s=612×612

Edward the third better have his assets secure from divorce rape and the corrupt Toronto Police.

A few years from now, I predict that the crazy eyes Suzanne lady will divorce Edward and take his family fortune.

#74 J. Canuck on 05.03.21 at 8:42 pm

Will it be a proxy war or a direct war?

******Iran Israel Syria Sudan behind the scenes proxy war or direct conflict over Taiwan?

Australia and China relations are getting worse.

You can definitely see countries picking sides. If you start a war in the mddle east…while resources are busy safe guarding oil…China moves on Taiwan?******

Worried about hostile neighbours? Just dial 1-800-UNC-LESAM. Ask for Joe.

These bad boys are just finishing up a 20 year run in a country very close to China. And they’ve never seen a war they haven’t liked.

#75 Wrk.dover on 05.03.21 at 8:42 pm

He or she who tries to take it with them at 98.9, leaves the Ontario govt. 8% right off the top.

Kinda makes for teary eyes at the funeral, for the ones that did attend….(pandemic card played here).

#76 Trojan House on 05.03.21 at 8:42 pm

#71 Cottagers STAY THE HELL AWAY! on 05.03.21 at 8:14 pm

You are highly annoying and mind your own business.

#77 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 8:45 pm

@#64 Tom Selleck and Kurt Browning are SOOOO Sexy!

Together?

#78 Boomer Bill on 05.03.21 at 8:46 pm

#70 Millennial on 05.03.21 at 8:08 pm

Pardon me for saying this but your parents are totally crazy to think you or any other child on the planet would react differently! Do they know anything about human psychology? As a parent of two, my will makes it an equal distribution to both my adult children. They both have POA and all assets are equally divided. My parents did the same with their three children and all went smoothly. I sympathize with you, I really do. In every case that I know of that was like your situation, the family had scars that never healed. Siblings stopped talking to each other and with parents. I have never heard of a happy ending when one child is favoured over another. Never.

#79 JEEBUS on 05.03.21 at 8:51 pm

Garth, I have been reading your blog for many years and this one will be memorable. Thank you for your last paragraph as reading this one was a hard one to swallow. This generation cares not about others but only their greed. I hope the parents spend every last penny on living a good life. I am lucky to have my parents with me and probably same age as this individual. Their existence here with me is more than any wealth. Thank you again for speaking my mind. Gonna have a drink to put out the fire I want to spew right now…

#80 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 8:55 pm

@#70 Millenial who hasnt learned how to create a Paragraph

+++++++
Never , ever assume you know what people will do when money is involved.

The stories I could tell ( sorry but I’ll spare Ponzie endless anecdotes).
Siblings fighting siblings over money. Siblings stealing money from deceased parents savings.
Parents using “the inheritance promise” dangled out to the kids to guarantee subservience and or cooperation.

Endless, ridiculous squabbling over what amounts to maybe a year or two of your salary after Revenue Canada has extracted their Shylock Pound of Flesh payment.

Assume you will receive nothing and if you do receive something…..
Nice……free money for doing nothing.

#81 Dwayne on 05.03.21 at 8:58 pm

That last paragraph stopped me too. Wise words for us all. Thanks Garth

#82 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 8:59 pm

@#71 Cottagers Stay the Hell Away

I dont live in Ontario but all your ravings have made me promise to myself to endeavor to go to the bathroom on my Vancouver to Ottawa/Toronto flight and Flush the toilet at 39,000ft over Cottage Country in the one in 100,000,000 chance your roof may be punctured by a blue “Icebomb”.

#83 Cowtown Cowboy on 05.03.21 at 9:26 pm

74 Nonplused on 05.02.21 at 6:52 pm
#22 Keith,

In Calgary you can get this for $299,000:

https://www.realtor.ca/real-estate/23143235/20-coachway-gardens-sw-calgary-coach-hill

Not far from Edworthy park and you can bike to work downtown if that’s your thing. Many people do from that area. Quick access to the mountains and the West Side Rec Center is also nearby. 3 bedrooms, a garage, a developed basement, and enough yard for a small dog. At today’s interest rates you could probably float that on $60,000 a year family income.

Between Calgary, Airdrie, and Cochrane (all considered commuting distance to downtown) there are over 250 listings with 3 bedrooms under $300,000 right now.

So ya, Calgary doesn’t really have a housing crisis to the same extent as Vancouver or Toronto. We have an employment crisis. But if you can get a decent job here, housing crisis solved!
————————————————————————-
That’s just down the hill from my place, for a bit more then double that, you can get my place…nice neighborhood

#84 Nonplused on 05.03.21 at 9:39 pm

My before and after pics today look just like Pippin! First haircut in a year! Important video conference this week. I may even wear a tie! No pants though, that seems like it would be excessive.

———————————-

I think I heard on the radio today that Alberta has the highest case rate in North America for the rona. Yikes. But that didn’t stop at least 100 people from attending a rodeo in Bowden. New measures are expected to be announced tomorrow.

———————————-

Great advice today as always Garth.

My parents are substantially better off then my wife’s parents were, but I never really gave it much thought because an “inheritance” was never part of our retirement plans. She’s a working woman so I never gave it much thought when she helped her mom out even if it was to buy smokes and wine at Costco. I figure she earns her own money so she can spend it as she will. It’s not like she holds me back when I do something crazy like buy a new motorcycle. Especially if it is one she can ride. Hence I am up to three of them now. (No, they are not Harley’s. And 2 of them were used and the whole family can ride them. Not the V-Star though, that’s for dad only. Nobody else is allowed to even sit in the driver’s seat.)

My situation is not all that unique anymore these days but I have children from 2 different marriages. Therefore my will is very complicated, as I want the children from both marriages to make out about the same. To affect that, my wife has always had her own RRSP’s with the view to her being independent even in retirement. She does get the house though, so her child will make out better than my other children, but she has been living in it these long years so it seems fair. Or at least unavoidable. Assuming I die first. But the other children have their own mother and she’s not doing too bad either, so perhaps it will all work out in the end.

#85 Millennial on 05.03.21 at 9:41 pm

#77 Boomer Bill on 05.03.21 at 8:46 pm

Hi Boomer Bill, your reaction is exactly what my wife’s reaction has been. She just can’t comprehend it as in her family inheritances have always been divided equally among children for generations and anything else would be unimaginable for them regardless of any other tension full family dynamics and dramas on her side (Italian heritage…) And yes, ever since this discussion I have been seriously messed up searching for the “why” not finding much as my childhood with my sibling and parents was rather ordinary. It very much feels like an evaluation of my life choices since I became adult. Obviously, my relationship with my parents will never be the same which is a true shame as prior to this, it has been just normal. The worst part is that my parents are now accusing me of dictating what they should do with their money, which could not be further from the truth. I am just firm on my view that when it comes to me and my sibling, it should be as close to 50/50 as practically possible while neither of us should really expect anything and live accordingly. The absolutely worst part of this has been the impact on the grandparents – grandkids relationship. My parents have kind of lost interest as they really strongly dislike my opposition to their decision, which I have certainly not kept to myself. Garth, sorry for bringing into today’s discussion some inheritance psychology, as you say children should expect nothing in terms of inheritance which is my view as well. So I guess I should have just said yeah sure, go ahead… But then I thought, wait a minute, this actual impacts your children as well so you cannot just say “do whatever”. I wish they never told me so that I could live my life in blissful ignorance about any of this. But here I am, trying to make some sense of it.

#86 Michael in-north-york on 05.03.21 at 9:43 pm

The #71 cottagers psychopath needs to be isolated from the public. The said psychopath carries a particularly vicious covid variant, which may evade the vaccines and jeopardize all our recovery efforts.

#87 Nonplused on 05.03.21 at 9:45 pm

#7 Millennial 1%er on 05.03.21 at 2:15 pm
The first thing that girls ask me when I go out on dates with them is “how much do your parents have in their RRSPs & TFSAs?”

—————————-

I hope you are being sarcastic. But if not you need to date different girls. The flip side of all this modernism is that no sane man with prospects today should date a woman that is not independent. It makes it a lot easier emotionally to part with half the house if she paid for her share of it.

#88 Boomer Bill on 05.03.21 at 9:47 pm

#82 Cowtown Cowboy on 05.03.21 at 9:26 pm

The house prices you cite in Calgary are like a time warp for a Torontonian. As in a 1980s time warp…

#89 BC Valley Girl on 05.03.21 at 9:49 pm

Very respectable post, Garth. Kudos.

#90 crowdedelevatorcoughz on 05.03.21 at 9:54 pm

Hurra…COUGH!…COUGH!…ayyyyyyy!

Once again, 10% of all the comments tonight belong to me!

I am the…COUGH!…COUGH!…backbone of this blog!

I am the….COUGH!…COUGH!…reason you all come here!

Let me squeeze by and press the…COUGH!…COUGH!…stop elevator button so you all can spend more time hearing me explain how…COUGH!…COUGH!…amazing I truly am!

#91 Handsome Ned on 05.03.21 at 9:58 pm

Ned was a rolling stone
Where ever he laid his hat was his home
And when he died
All he left us was alone.

#92 BB on 05.03.21 at 9:59 pm

In the event that the kids do not have their TFSA maxed out could the parents give them $75k/each and invest it for the next 20 years as a way to beat the tax man? If they add another $5k per year amd average 6% return it could could $300k out of the governments hands?

#93 Gerald on 05.03.21 at 10:03 pm

Is BoC on [email protected]? Inflation is crazy in Canada:
https://youtu.be/uckM5i_z6ek?t=317

#94 Toyota on 05.03.21 at 10:04 pm

Pierre for PM!

https://youtu.be/uckM5i_z6ek?t=320

#95 Nonplused on 05.03.21 at 10:12 pm

#13 Gb on 05.03.21 at 2:42 pm

“Many Kids today have been gifted so much wealth that they did not earn….it skews reality.”

I’ve never really understood this line of reasoning. What, exactly, is to be done with this wealth if you cannot leave it to your children? Why build any excess wealth if you cannot pass it on? Why not retire early and die broke? That’s not exactly going to help the doctor shortage.

I realise there is a bit of a “birth lottery” when it comes to these things, but there are so many others as well. For instance I can’t carry a tune in a wheelbarrow so I never made it as a rock star. I’m not 6’6″ so no NBA career for me. No modelling career for me either. No trophy wife. No Nobel prizes. I’m pretty good at Monopoly though.

Life is not “fair”. Especially if “fair” means “equal”. God created all men and women (do we have to say “people”?) equal in the eyes of the law and of heaven, but those are pretty much the only ways.

#96 Millennial on 05.03.21 at 10:23 pm

#79 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.03.21 at 8:55 pm

Thank you for your kind feedback in my writing.

Your examples are true horror stories!

My approach has been to try to completely erase that discussion from my head and focus on rebuilding the relationship through love and care while strictly avoiding any inheritance discussions. Basically behaving towards my parents as if the conversation never took place. Hopefully this paragraph is not too long!!!

They have been slowly warming up again to my family and in the end what makes us humans are our relationships, not any form of wealth.

#97 Ed on 05.03.21 at 10:33 pm

I told my 4 kids everything we own is to be sold upon our death & split 4 ways after expenses. Also told them that there may be nothing left & to act accordingly.

I think only 1 of them gets it. Oh well, I’ll be dead…not my problem.

#98 Interstellar Old Yeller on 05.03.21 at 10:47 pm

#70 Millennial on 05.03.21 at 8:08 pm

Generic guess: your parents are trying to make up for shortchanging your sibling in some (financial or non-financial) way during their upbringing. It doesn’t have to be real or something you think is valid for it to be a real motivation for them.

Another guess: your parents want your sibling to provide day-to-day care for them when they are infirm and need significant assistance with daily living activities. More inheritance either compensates the sibling for their time, energy, and any career sacrifices made to provide that help, OR it’s incentive to provide that eldercare. Long-term care homes don’t look so appealing after what’s happened during the pandemic, I can see people doing anything they can to live in their own home and be cared for by a family member. Since you left when you were 18 and your sibling stayed they are logically turning to your sibling for this.

(Consider another viewpoint: one kid left and one kid stayed and looked after the parents. “Morally equal?”)

I don’t know if any of those generic guesses fit your situation but I do know that you’ll be happier if you stop equating quantity of money/inheritance to quantity of love. (If this is one of several signs your parents favour your sibling over you then this situation is beyond the scope of a blog comment, you need a therapist.)

#99 Nonplused on 05.03.21 at 10:51 pm

#70 Millennial on 05.03.21 at 8:08 pm

A story that plays out time and again. In my case my mother heavily favors her daughters over her sons in real time (i.e. she is spending money on them now), especially if said daughters already have already produced great-grandchildren through grandchildren’s teenage pregnancies. She can’t get enough babies. I would not be surprised to see the will allocated by great-grandchildren. But it is her money. She can do with it what she wants. My strategy has always been to not need money from my parents. I think that will go a long way to taking the edge off whatever comes out of the situation. I already know who her favorites are, so whatever comes out really shouldn’t come as any surprise. If I will be surprised at all, it will be if the will is “equal”.

Folks, if you study and work hard, have some good fortune, follow Garth’s advice and put some money away, you will be immune to whatever surprises are in your parent’s will. I have to admit there is a certain freedom in it, as I do not have to suck up like my sisters do.

Unless your parents are extremely wealthy and extremely fair, “inheritance” is bad retirement planning. Plus it can lead to underachievement in all aspects of your life. Better to live to your full potential and pretend no inheritance is forthcoming. That way even if you do get an inheritance, you can still view yourself as “self made”. There is something to that no amount of money can take away.

#100 I'm a coming! on 05.03.21 at 10:55 pm

#71 Cottagers STAY THE HELL AWAY! on 05.03.21 at 8:14 pm

I’ve got my jab, so I’ll see you soon. And no you are not invited to our BBQ. Stay off the property or I will pepper spray you, you dirty pathogen.

#101 Father's Daughter on 05.03.21 at 10:56 pm

Well that was hard to read. Garth took it easy on you, but nonetheless pointed out the obvious..
When I working as a nurse I saw many ugly scenarios of people fighting over family money as the patient lay dying on the bed..wallets stollen, bank cards missing etc. all behind the scenes as the loved struggled to survive
Your parents, however, are in their early 70s and living independently. The money might “eventually likely” be your inheritance..wow. It’s not your money to manage, and it sounds like they haven’t asked.
They don’t like to talk about it because it seems like you are trying to take away their power (and money)..because you are
I consider myself lucky to both not be financially dependent on my parents, and them not on me
And I certainly don’t sit around planning for what I’ll do with their cash once they’re gone
What if your parents need costly medical elder care as they age?
If they have explicitly asked for help in managing their finances, or have demonstrated incapability of doing so themselves its a different story. Charging room and board or rent to live with you would be reasonable (unless they are offering lots of help with housework childcare etc.)
As for your in-laws, help if you can. It’s sounds like the right thing to do. Their $50K doesn’t need to be managed, it’s not going far.

YIKES!

#102 Kitty Kaboom on 05.03.21 at 11:00 pm

https://www.placetocallhome.ca/fthbi/first-time-homebuyer-incentive

Gasoline: Meet fire.

#103 Lead Paint on 05.03.21 at 11:04 pm

71 Cottagers STAY THE HELL AWAY! on 05.03.21 at 8:14 pm

Isn’t he actively threatening to vandalize property, which is a crime?

FYI inbreeding occurs in low density groups, usually rural settings, not urban ones. I think you’re proof of that!

#104 Nonplused on 05.03.21 at 11:09 pm

#110 Keen Reader on 05.03.21 at 10:11 am
@102 Nonplused

Top Air Canada pilots make $335K, according to Glassdoor.com; that’s comparable to major airlines I’ve dealt with internationally. BillyBob can certainly confirm. I am mostly privvy to salaries in flight-testing, where Capts make $150-180K. Average pay is $100K for helicopter pilots, whereas an EMS pilot makes roughly $160K. An Ornge pilot likely makes a little more, so in line with $171K.

Not suggesting any of the above are heroes, which don’t necessarily get paid accordingly, unfortunately!

——————————————

I got my info from Google (where else), so I will take your word for it.

#105 Dave on 05.03.21 at 11:20 pm

Dude you messed up the punch line in last sentence

#106 Indigirl on 05.03.21 at 11:33 pm

Terrific post Garth!

But, people need to be cautious with joint accounts. Unless the joint account is with a spouse, or both people have contributed to the account, there is a presumption – the Supreme Court of Canada says – that upon the death of one account holder, the remaining account holder holds the money in trust for the dead person’s estate. This presumption can be rebutted with evidence, but the person with the best evidence is dead. And bank documentation often isn’t enough unless the form says something along the lines of ‘when I die I want this money to go to the joint account holder not my estate.’
Joint accounts lead to all sorts of problems and litigation. But why do I care; these fights keep me employed and pay my bills.

#107 LP on 05.03.21 at 11:37 pm

Funny this topic should come up tonight. I’m in the middle of trying to untangle my life’s choices so that things will be settled as neatly and equitably as possible. To add to the mix is the fact that time is of the essence. A few weeks ago in this forum Garth advised using a professional executor so that’s what I will be arranging tomorrow with my kids’ full approval.

My problem with my kids is that each of them, older boy and younger girl both in their forties, are hell bent on not hurting or slighting the other. They will each come into a lot of money equally but it’s the tangibles that cause some angst, paintings, furniture, collectibles etc. I think I am glad I will be gone before those discussions begin!

#108 M W on 05.03.21 at 11:42 pm

sure – give one parents’ money to the others and hope for some multi familial koombayah? you’ve got to be kidding me. You’ve never spoken about your parents/inlaws but big money on the fact you never had to juggle them into old age while balancing your marriage.

#109 inottawa2012 on 05.03.21 at 11:49 pm

Millennial on 05.03.21 at 9:41 pm
#77 Boomer Bill on 05.03.21 at 8:46 pm

Hi Boomer Bill, your reaction is exactly what my wife’s reaction has been. She just can’t comprehend it as in her family inheritances have always been divided equally among children for generations and anything else would be unimaginable for them regardless of any other tension full family dynamics and dramas on her side (Italian heritage…) And yes, ever since this discussion I have been seriously messed up searching for the “why” not finding much as my childhood with my sibling and parents was rather ordinary. It very much feels like an evaluation of my life choices since I became adult. Obviously, my relationship with my parents will never be the same which is a true shame as prior to this, it has been just normal. The worst part is that my parents are now accusing me of dictating what they should do with their money, which could not be further from the truth. I am just firm on my view that when it comes to me and my sibling, it should be as close to 50/50 as practically possible while neither of us should really expect anything and live accordingly. The absolutely worst part of this has been the impact on the grandparents – grandkids relationship. My parents have kind of lost interest as they really strongly dislike my opposition to their decision, which I have certainly not kept to myself. Garth, sorry for bringing into today’s discussion some inheritance psychology, as you say children should expect nothing in terms of inheritance which is my view as well. So I guess I should have just said yeah sure, go ahead… But then I thought, wait a minute, this actual impacts your children as well so you cannot just say “do whatever”. I wish they never told me so that I could live my life in blissful ignorance about any of this. But here I am, trying to make some sense of it.

=================

Yes… European, welcome to my inlaw hell. Just accept that your kids will be well taken care of, take care of yourself, and plan/diversify your RESPs accordingly and that’s all you can do. If petulant people want to bypass you because they can’t have control, ok. but then you also have control of your OWN assets. These types seem to think they can cut you off but also somehow control what you do with your investible assets and family residence – however convenient. Take care of yourself as if nothing is coming!

#110 Dr. Sara Solomon on 05.03.21 at 11:54 pm

DELETED

#111 inottawa2012 on 05.03.21 at 11:58 pm

So I’m going to post as someone who has done very well for themselves and wants to move their two children to a better school district for high school than one that is 1/8th the rating. It’s within our means and achievable. The consequence – as we currently live on the same street as the in laws – has been to be dishinerited and cut off from all family dealings. I’m going to do what’s best for my children, but wow. Not everyone cares about inheritance and some parents should learn that this is not something to be weaponized. My kids will starts school from their new home shortly. Not all millennials are after/need the parental funds, Garth. I’m sure a bunch like me are being held hostage and blackmailed until we are lucky enough to make it on our own.

#112 Rural Rick on 05.04.21 at 12:02 am

Such sage wisdom. Oh great bearded one. I tug my forelock with respect.

#113 Km on 05.04.21 at 12:54 am

It is surprising how people will behave with their own family when it comes to money. My grandmother lent a large sum to one of her daughters to buy a house way back and lived in a suite in it. Money she saved working her entire life at the meat packing plant while raising four kids alone and was able to sell her house in Toronto before it went bat shit crazy that is. The agreement was if they sold it would be divided evenly with the profits etc. Well it was divided evenly, the husband cut it three ways instead of two seeing as three people lived there deciding it should be done that way as it was technically even which is not what was supposed to happen I assure you. What a terrible person. Needless to say I have nothing to do with that part of my family especially since my grandmother was pretty much the most generous, kind and wonderful person anyone had ever known. Thankfully my mother is just like her and I am blessed. Greed is despicable and those that give into it worth less than the money they cherish.

#114 Km on 05.04.21 at 12:54 am

It is surprising how people will behave with their own family when it comes to money. My grandmother lent a large sum to one of her daughters to buy a house way back and lived in a suite in it. Money she saved working her entire life at the meat packing plant while raising four kids alone and was able to sell her house in Toronto before it went bat shit crazy that is. The agreement was if they sold it would be divided evenly with the profits etc. Well it was divided evenly, the husband cut it three ways instead of two seeing as three people lived there deciding it should be done that way as it was technically even which is not what was supposed to happen I assure you. What a terrible person. Needless to say I have nothing to do with that part of my family especially since my grandmother was pretty much the most generous, kind and wonderful person anyone had ever known. Thankfully my mother is just like her and I am blessed. Greed is despicable and those that give into it worth less than the money they cherish.

#115 Al on 05.04.21 at 1:34 am

It’s true. I only obsess over the taxless and hassle-free ways to get wealth I earned. Then I found out it was mostly luck….that I obsessed.

#116 Jane24 on 05.04.21 at 2:43 am

My parents followed a lifetime of terrible but secretive money management with 30 years of financial dependence on their 5 Ontario children. I remember once they had their small business phone cut-off and I gave them the money to pay it. They spent the funds on a weekend in NYC with their friends. I then paid the bill again direct to Bell to get them back in business. You can note that I am still bitter about all this. My parents were very entitled. When my father died I phoned OAS to tell them only to find out that he had never applied for it in the first place! The financial agony only stopped when we found them long term care places on the Ontario taxpayers dollar so I guess he got that OAS back via this move.

I have learned from this and been totally open about financial maters with my own 3 children although their Italian father will not. I only got him to make a will by implying that all his assets would go to my second husband and not his own kids.

Although we are only in our early 70s I am already prepping our estate for the best tax-free way to leave matters. Here in the UK a married couple can leave one million pounds ($1.8 million) free of tax. I am starting to move excess money into our childrens’ hands and then I have to live 7 years after the gift to ensure its tax free status. I am closing down small bank accounts and bits of business in both countries to make it easier for my children when we go. My financial files are all clearly marked and listed.

Ensure that you know and understand the rules and regs where ever you live. Paying inheritance or capital gains tax is criminal as the money has already been taxed when you earned it.

Dolce Vita you are lucky to live in Italy as there provided you have lots of relatives you can share an estate out without paying any tax!

#117 Wrk.dover on 05.04.21 at 6:23 am

Did Faron and the Sailor finally get a room together?

Honeymooning somewhere? Sara, can you verify?

#118 Lily on 05.04.21 at 8:01 am

Glad you gave the guy a shake over his cold treatment of his inlaws.

#119 the Jaguar on 05.04.21 at 8:11 am

Those Albertans. You just can’t underestimate them:

The Oracle of Edmonton answers his phone

Says an admirer of Greg Abel: “He doesn’t just have the high emotional IQ. He has got the moral IQ.”

Lois Mitchell had a phone appointment scheduled for 11:30 a.m. Alberta time Monday, and she was certain that Greg Abel would pick up after a ring or two, no matter how busy he was.

Abel, Berkshire Hathaway Inc.’s vice-chair of non-insurance businesses, is busy at the best of times, but his pile of responsibilities likely grew by a few heaps over the weekend after word got out that his boss, the Oracle of Omaha, Warren Buffett, had chosen the Albertan to be his successor. ……….

#120 leebow on 05.04.21 at 8:25 am

Garth is a softy in heart.

I ran into a book recently that specifically discusses children and money – how not to let money hurt incentives, family relations, etc. It has very good reviews despite being junk otherwise. Clearly, there is demand for this type of advice.

#121 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.04.21 at 8:30 am

@#89 CrowdieCoffee
“Once again, 10% of all the comments tonight belong to me!”
++++
Alas , your accounting abilities lack precision.
15% would be more accurate.
Glad I could annoy.
Press the button.
Going Up.

#122 Dharma Bum on 05.04.21 at 8:31 am

If your parents want to move in with you, I have 2 words of advice.

2 words.

SEPARATE ENTRANCE.

#123 Phylis on 05.04.21 at 8:37 am

#92 Toyota on 05.03.21 at 10:04 pm
Pierre for PM!

https://youtu.be/uckM5i_z6ek?t=320
Xxxxxxxx
The person at the end who raised the point of order of ‘relevance’ should quit or be sentenced to this blog.

#124 Phylis on 05.04.21 at 8:41 am

Oh, i watched the followup video of the commons which featured the landscaper and the effects of inflation.

#125 TurnerNation on 05.04.21 at 9:06 am

— This Canadian ICU doc has lots to say:
https://twitter.com/BluecollarMed


On the death of Tourism industry: in Ontariowe all Crown parks, campgrounds, and also Golf Courses are closed. Ontariowe: ‘Yours to Recover’

Like magic…Alberts gets to use those new laws. Yep Curfews coming to AB later today!
I’m sure it’s only for 2 weeks. Or 28 days. Textbooks stuff.
If this keeps up we gonna need UBI??

We are undergoing a textbook Colour Revolution (Red natch). The provinces with the strongest and most independent and distinct cultures are getting the worst of this New System. AB, QC. The must fall into line.

— Yes this WW3 is for our Minds.

https://www.nationalreview.com/2021/05/covid-19-rewired-our-brains/
COVID-19 Rewired Our Brains
By MICHAEL BRENDAN DOUGHERTY
It’s time for a mass deprogramming.

#126 Sue on 05.04.21 at 10:12 am

#70 Millennial on 05.03.21 at 8:08 pm
I see some of the responses. I am in a similar situation with my siblings with aging parents. Its not about the money but i sense your more likely hurt by the fact that they are using money to show love which may or may not be true. There is a big range of financial security within my siblings. Im more than fine i made good life choices. A couple of the siblings still making poor choices. Which will pay off in my parents will. I chose to step back a bit and it has been interesting to watch the ‘in fighting’ get worse. It has relieved alot of stress. As another poster wrote. It is very freeing to step back and not care. If there is something there at the end great, if not thats fine too. I hope my parents spend every red cent and would love to see the look of disappointment on the siblings faces when they realize it was all for nothing. The reality is its their money to do what they please. But by doing the 70/30 split. They are driving a permanent wedge between you and your sibling that will probably never go away. I have now moved my focus to my children. They all know everything will be split equally and that i will haunt them if they ever dont get along, especially over money. We also ask our kids who they think the favourite is. They all think its them! Mission accomplished:). Best not to try make sense of it. Best of luck to you!

#127 crowdedelevatorfartz on 05.04.21 at 10:26 am

Cherry Blossom Festival in Vancouver video.

Click on the video link at the bottom of the article, sit back and turn up the volume.

https://www.burnabynow.com/in-the-community/check-out-this-jaw-dropping-cinematic-video-of-vancouvers-cherry-blossoms-video-3745486

#128 Faron on 05.04.21 at 12:02 pm

#117 Wrk.dover on 05.04.21 at 6:23 am

Did Faron and the Sailor finally get a room together?

Honeymooning somewhere? Sara, can you verify?

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth! Me? Disenchanted with the whole thing after Billy Bob and The Jaguar waved personal information over my head.

I’m also finding far more intellectual stimulation spending spare time reading what the quants have to say about the equity markets. Many more ideas than rants thattaway.

That said, I was recently tempted to jump in and debate some Nonplused climate change nonsense. But, really, what’s the point? Climate’s gonna change and Nonplused and the like will fiddle while it burns no matter what I say.

#129 Richard L on 05.04.21 at 12:21 pm

# 53 Tripp on 05.03.21 at 5:24 pm

Thank you!

#130 IHCTD9 on 05.04.21 at 12:36 pm

#71 Millennial on 05.03.21 at 8:08 pm
Garth, great post! I have a question for the blog dogs. How common is it in your personal experiences that parents favour one child over other(s) in terms of inheritance?
___

Not worth the bad feelings IMHO. I have a some B+S in-law’s that borrowed some $$ from my parents in law over the years. M+FIL decided to forgive those debts a while back. So one day, they were at our door with an envelope. It contained a pretty sizeable cheque. They had taken the largest forgiven amount, and paid every one of their kids up equal to that – we had never borrowed a dime. They felt it was not fair to forgive these debt amounts without compensating those kids who did not borrow (or borrowed less), as the forgiveness became an effective cash “handout”. Great consideration and foresight was demonstrated.

This was the correct action in my opinion, and I plan to disperse assets when the time comes equally. If one of our boys looks after us a lot more than the other in our senior years, then he will be compensated at the time of services rendered – not via the will. It isn’t going to matter if one pissed away his life, and the other is CEO of GM. 50/50.

#131 KaleyCat on 05.04.21 at 12:39 pm

#7 Millennial 1%er
Take that line “Only child of wealthy parents” off your Tinder account.

#71 Millennial
If you live in BC they’re setting you up for a court battle with your sister. Sibs have a right to equal parts. If they want to give your sister more for whatever reason, it should be pre-death; either monthly payments for care or go buy her a home so she’s out from under their feet.

#132 IHCTD9 on 05.04.21 at 1:41 pm

#95 Nonplused on 05.03.21 at 10:12 pm
#13 Gb on 05.03.21 at 2:42 pm

“Many Kids today have been gifted so much wealth that they did not earn….it skews reality.”

I’ve never really understood this line of reasoning. What, exactly, is to be done with this wealth if you cannot leave it to your children? Why build any excess wealth if you cannot pass it on? Why not retire early and die broke? That’s not exactly going to help the doctor shortage.

I realise there is a bit of a “birth lottery” when it comes to these things, but there are so many others as well. For instance I can’t carry a tune in a wheelbarrow so I never made it as a rock star. I’m not 6’6″ so no NBA career for me. No modelling career for me either. No trophy wife. No Nobel prizes. I’m pretty good at Monopoly though.

Life is not “fair”. Especially if “fair” means “equal”. God created all men and women (do we have to say “people”?) equal in the eyes of the law and of heaven, but those are pretty much the only ways
_____

I think it’d be a lot of fun for a kidless couple/person to spend a few decades handing it all out. The disabled guy down the road who needs a new roof, the kid next door who needs a summer job. A friend’s kid who can’t cover her OSAP loans, or the up and coming young guy who just blew a transmission.

If I were childless and had a pile of cash after retirement, I’d buy a new boat/SXS/Truck, and that’s it. I’d blow the rest via personal pet philanthropy. I’d be like Mr. T keeping the local construction guys busy with a continuous stream of old building restorations :).

#133 RL on 05.04.21 at 1:49 pm

Family dynamics can be tough, no doubt. I’ll echo other comments that this was amazing advice, thanks Garth!
“Your folks may grant you riches. You partner’s parents gave you her. No comparison.”

#134 BillyBob on 05.04.21 at 5:11 pm

#128 Faron on 05.04.21 at 12:02 pm
#117 Wrk.dover on 05.04.21 at 6:23 am

Did Faron and the Sailor finally get a room together?

Honeymooning somewhere? Sara, can you verify?

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth! Me? Disenchanted with the whole thing after Billy Bob and The Jaguar waved personal information over my head.

=============================

You really need to get over yourself. You’re not that important. No one threatened you with anything – you did it yourself by “waving” everything under the sun about yourself, from where you did your undergrad to your partner’s past relationship history. No one asked. I simply happen to count among my friends the head of your Uvic department and your oversharing made the connection obvious. So what?

You wildly overestimate my interest beyond idle amusement and the mild irony. No one, including me, wishes you any harm. Time to quit playing the wounded martyr card. It makes a mockery of genuine doxxing victims.

Besides, we all know the truth. We’ll let you get back to spooning with Saily. No judgement here.

#135 Islandgirl on 05.04.21 at 5:21 pm

Funny thing, reading through the comments about inheritances, I thought of my dad, who is also an avid reader and how when he passes, I think he has plans to have us just split everything but I’m planning on just making my brother take the physcial things (house/car) and just evenly splitting the rest if there is anything there. I have a home and he is still renting so he can use it more than I can.

#136 Tammyandrews01 on 05.04.21 at 6:04 pm

Hopefully that boy can hear this wisdom. I was feeling badly for his parents, seems there a bit of an inconvenience.. maybe he did not mean it that way..but holy I would be shutting him down. I bet his wife loves this push back. Likely putting into words something she is feeling. Well done!

#137 Cici on 05.04.21 at 7:31 pm

Courreurs de bois? I think your smart phone may have gotten the upper hand, LOL!

Great blogs as of late, by the way. Haven’t had a chance to read them all, but I especially liked that you put things straight about Chinese Canadians.

I grew up in BC but left circa 1996. At the time, I was in contact with many recently arrived Chinese newcomers… from students to employers. All were extremely smart, hardworking, polite, generous, kind, responsible and civil people who contributed more than their share to society. They got heckled a lot because of their accents and mannerisms (would talk very quickly, very briefly and very to the point, which was mistaken by the ignoramuses, or ignorami if you prefer, as being “rude” or impolite… but they weren’t). They never fought back, just kept their heads up, kept smiling and kept working… ignoring the noise.

#138 ArdySho on 05.04.21 at 8:33 pm

You’re a good principled man, Garth. Great post

#139 Micheal on 05.05.21 at 11:43 pm

Wow, Garth. I have been reading your blog (and books) from the beginning. The last four paragraphs are among your most insightful and inspiring words, which says a lot. Enjoy your writing. Thanks.