Yesterday it was the saga of Mars and Venus. Today a tale of Princess and the Pea. The common thread: a fetish which turns minds to mush, fills veins with hormones, excites, confuses and compels, all on one sharply caught breath. But enough about me. Again this time it’s a house which threatens an otherwise miraculous relationship – and just when the timing couldn’t be worse.
“Hi Garth,” says Steph, “I’ve been following ur blog since 2008 (but never commented or emailed before). Thank you for ur free but priceless advice (and for entertaining us all these years).
“I’ve been listening and waiting to buy. I’m 35, no kids, renting, have $200k in savings, no debt, a $90k a year salary, with about $200k in pension contribution to a defined benefit plan. Yes, I know I should have the $200k savings invested but I’m trying to educate myself on the market before doing so.
“Here’s the real problem. I’m in a relationship with a guy with a modest but secure salary ($66k) who (1) has $75k credit card debt (2) a car loan with $10k remaining at 5.5% (3) he bought a house in Surrey in 2009 with a minimum downpayment that he borrowed from his mom with a 35 year mortgage of about $500k (4) and he has a $10k line of credit.
“I’ve tried reasoning with him to sell the house to pay the credit card and then eventually pay off his mom. But, I can’t get through to him. Instead of selling the place, his mom lent him another $40k to help pay the credit cards off. (No, his mom’s not rich and dumping him isn’t an option I’m considering).
“Here’s my humble request. I really hope u are able to find a bigger venue and reopen registration for ur Vancouver talk on the 20th so I can come and drag him along with me. I’m hoping u’ll have better luck scaring that shit out of him than I’ve had.”
Well, Stephanie, no such luck a week from Monday night. The Marriott Hotel ballroom is completely booked, the VPD riot squad’s on standby, the fire marshal’s during a slow burn, paparazzi are booking flights in and my bullet-proof, tacky stretch Hummer’s on a freight train headed west. This puppy’s put to bed.
So, we’ll just have to demean and belittle your debt-swilling BF here. By the way, how did you hook up with this loser? You’ve managed to save more than three times your disposable income while the peabrain has almost $600,000 in debt, and grosses one-tenth that amount per year. Compared to the average debt equaling 152% of disposable income, this guy’s an Olympian – a real testament to the conservative, prude, uptight and cautious Canadian banking system. Not.
It’s just this kind of borrowing excess which has Brother Carney sounding all pissy again, threatening to pull the trigger on interest rates when everybody in the country thinks we’ve turned into Japan. He just said this during an interview in the UK: “Our economy’s almost back at full capacity, the labor market’s been growing, we’re growing above — we had been growing above trend, and the extent to which we continue to grow above trend, we may withdraw some of that monetary policy stimulus.”
Withdrawing stimulus is never fun under the best of conditions, as I know, but with the land awash in mortgages, lines and loans, it’s positively painful. A Bank of Canada increase of just a half point, even in two jerks, is enough to send an already-cracking housing market into a death spiral. And by just raising this spectre once again, Steph, Carney is doing his bit to ensure people like your idiot lover are taught a lesson.
It gets worse.
Not only are Toronto new condo sales falling apart and yesterday more than 10,500 Vancouver realtors sold nothing, but construction is tanking. This is dismal news for a BC economy where building, selling and fluffing houses now accounts for 31% of the economy. Housing starts across Canada plunged 6.5% in July, and for the first time in seven months they’ve dropped through a key trend line.
Probably just a start, says TD Economics: “We do expect that the impact of tighter mortgage regulations announced in late June will slow housing demand, but the impact on the construction and starts data is unlikely to show up until later in the year.” Now, recall the Scotiabank report I referenced yesterday about the resale housing market – “The full impact of the slowdown may not become fully visible until mid-decade. Affordability will be increasingly strained for existing and potential homeowners when mortgage rates eventually drift up.”
But even if the real estate market in the Lower Mainland was not going toxic, even if interest rates stayed put for five years, even if Pea’s mom continued to paper over his yawning and debilitating faults, he’s still screwed. His $75,000 in credit card debt alone, at double-digit rates, is enough to sink him as it grows relentlessly higher.
You’re absolutely right, Stephanie. If this human detritus can manage to find a greater fool to buy his Surrey mistake, at least getting out of the mortgage before it blows up, he may stand a chance. But why would he? The financial carcass has you.
Two hundred grand. A pension. No debt. Nice salary. No screamers. Work ethic. Morals. And a big heart that makes you pity and protect dumb animals.
Print this. Leave it on the pillow. Then leave.
238 comments ↓
Mark Carney says he’s willing to blow the whistle on misbehaving banks
http://business.financialpost.com/2012/08/09/mark-carney-says-hes-ready-to-blow-the-whistle-on-misbehaving-banks/
This weblog is all about #firstworldproblems
– My HELOC is too large.
– I have 7 investment condos!
– Let’s do renos.
– I’m getting only a 5% return.
http://metronews.ca/news/canada/330020/carney-would-blow-whistle-on-bad-banks/
Hmmm,
“As for Canada’s banks, Carney said they may have some exposure to record household debt levels and the overheated housing market, but he noted that high-risk mortgages are insured by the federal government.”
I don’t understand how this guy would pay his monthly bills on a $66000 a year job….Does he eat? He needs credit counselling ASAP
Mark Carney is going to do absolutely nothing… period. He’s proved it time and time again that making decisions that will have short term negative consequences scares him. Carney and this current government will do everything they can to keep a swift correction of any kind from happening.
Get used to painful inflation for a long time. Money is worthless so everyone might as well jump into debt just like Steph’s peabrain and enjoy the finer things in life. It’s a free pass from the government to live beyond your means. Saving and prudence just leaves you on the sidelines.
Thanks Harper, Carney, Flaherty and the bunch… way to teach a generation about responsibility!
Steph: Run…. run like the wind.
This guy will drag you down like the RBC banker tied to the swimmer in the OLY ads. You’ll be swimmin’ like a mad woman and he’ll be along for the ride swilling pina coladas.
But if you do decide to take this bozo on as a reclamation project, you have just added another definition to “Greater Fool”.
Dear Steph: you are screwed if you stay with this jerk, been there done that and it took me 15 years to recover after the divorce. Only difference is that I had what Garth calls, 3 screamers! I don’t care how good looking this guy is or what he may bring to the bedroom, he is an irresponsible idiotic man-child. You seem to be smart enough to have gotten where you are today. Don’t make the biggest mistake of you life. Run, run, run.
Do all 35-year olds spell “your” as “ur”?
Grim Toronto.
Condos killed the housing star.
No room at the inn!
1. Buyers beware: several schools near condo towers have no room for new students
http://www.torontolife.com/daily/informer/the-harrowing-present/2012/08/09/condo-boom-schools-full/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=condo-boom-schools-full
2. Toronto condo developers push perks to seal sales
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/story/2012/08/07/toronto-condos-perks-sales-developers.html?cmp=rss%26cmp=AFC-I78V04166919
Stephanie. OK, go ahead and marry the guy if you must but… before you do, you better get one hell of a rock solid prenup for you have a lot to lose if your relationship goes bust. You will need the kind of prenup that specifies TOTALLY separate finances before and after marriage, including the matrimonial home in your name (should you buy one).
This guy has been paying $30-40k/year in interest on his debt (before mom stepped in) on a gross salary of $66k. He should give the money back to mom and declare bankruptcy. He’ll be there eventually anyway.
Steph, you would be out of your mind to marry this man or to subsidize his debt payments.
Another smart lady who deserves better is tying a millstone to her neck and ready to carry it a whole life. Now, I don’t know who is more idiotic: the pea-brain who is screwed and keeps getting more and more screwed, or the lady who seems to have lotsa brains and willfully is getting into the biggest mistake of her life. She probably doesn’t know that a huge percentage of divorces are due to money issues.
That’s what happens when hormones speak.
Steph, you deserve a lesson. Get married with this dude but remember that you got yourself into this. The lesson will be cruel though, and years of your life will be wasted.
Wow, I’m just a couple years younger than Steph. This is stuff that happened in late teens and early 20’s. Girl with extra cash from mom and dad gets milked by the hotshot (future nobody).
The only difference is: this woman is 35. Wow. She gets what she deserves. Her man is off. How has accumulated that much c.c debt? He’s irresponsible and immature.
Steph deserves what she’s gonna get. If she can’t see it, too bad! She saved that much cash and she’s going to bail out a low-life? Wow. If she were my sister, I’d be going ballistic. Naïve woman.
Garth, can you have the marriot session videotaped and put online? You’ll reach many times more people, and I want to see it. Ill buy your book if you do.. :)
#10 XKR
+1
The guy’s personal debt-to-gdp ratio is almost 10-to-1 (1000%).
Congrats – you’re five times worse than Japan or Greece!
Many California towns have recently gone bankrupt in far better financial shape.
I think I’ve made this comment before: cases like this need Gail Vaz-Oxlade WAY before they need Garth.
Garth’s advice assumes that you have some form of assets — e.g. property or some liquid investments. Being stone cold broke means you really don’t care which Preferred Shares or REITs to buy, or what % of precious metals to hold in your asset mix.
This guy of Stephs must be a twin … no ‘one’ person can be ‘that’ stupid.
2 contradictary ways of managing money is surely a one way ticket divorce after a short marriage. I hope her fear of not having someone doesn’t force her into staying with this dead beat.
I can sell my reservation for 2 people to the Vancouver event. $100. Just respond with your email.
Oh, knock it off. — Garth
Of all Canadian provinces Quebec has the lowest debt to disposable income ratio (~125%), and below average house prices. Yet forclosures are surging: 27% up from June to July 2012, and 61% up year over year. The shit will hit the fan after separatists get elected next month. Ouch!
http://argent.canoe.ca/lca/affaires/quebec/archives/2012/08/saisies-maison-juillet.html#texte
Steph, just as you can’t get through to your guy, we are likely to have trouble getting through to you. He’s in denial about how screwed he is; you’re in denial about how you’re diving into deep water with a canon ball tied to one foot.
You don’t tell us why you can’t leave him, but I will tell you this: under law, marriage is primarily a business arrangement. If you share a residence with this guy for three years, you will be common law and you get his debt and he gets your money. Do NOT marry this man, do NOT live with him, do NOT have a child with him. However charming, loving, caring, nurturing, supportive etc. you find him, it’s not worth destroying your life for. If his mom wants to be part of his self-immolation, that’s up to her – they’re blood, not water. YOU should keep clear. I have seen people live in love but with separate homes for years (the problem being alcohol, not debt, but the principle remains the same) and it works pretty good. If he ever gets his relationship to money straightened out (and if the alcoholic ever gets properly straight and sober), you might then want to continue further, but not before. And just as I’ve seen people handle this sort of thing smart and successfully, I’ve seen lives destroyed by debts brought to a marriage.
Good luck!
Dr Doom coming soon. I can’t wait!!!! Gonna get wasted for the show!!!!!
$500k mortgage in Surrey?
Dump that place before anything off the island of Vancouver/Bby/New West/Coquitlam/Port Moody goes down south hard when the new Port Mann Bridge opens and charges people to cross it.
His disposable income just went down further…
I’m angry that Stephanie’s BF was given his jumbo mortgage in 2009 which was after the GFC. I sure thousands more toxic mortgage loans have been granted in Canada since the crisis. The consequences of bad lending was obvious from what happened in the USA and the Cons should have taken steps to prevent a crisis here as well.
Unless F wants to be remembered as “The Finance Minister who Bankrupt the Country” he should get serious about eliminating bad lending.
Marriage is a business contract and this guy has poor business sense. Your finances are prudent, while his are exorbitant. I wasn’t going to criticize, until I saw the credit card debt.
I don’t want to sound like a dick and tell you to break up with the guy over money, but he’s being an idiot. Part of a relationship is money and that’s reality.
He would be far better off complying with your wishes, sell the house and pay off his debts. He would also absolve himself of debt and not drag you and his mother down. Not only would he eliminate his debt, he’d also benefit from your wonderful nest egg. He’d go from being completely broke-ass, to being financially secure.
Either he can’t do the math and figure it out, or his pride is too much. I can’t imagine how low his pride is right now, with his financial ship sinking quickly. How much pride will there be, when the bank forecloses?
I’m guessing he still wants to be a man and that’s alright, but he has to step up his game. I think the easiest way is for him to start back at square one. Sell the house and kill his debt. Right now he is trying to catch up, but he’s only falling behind.
The decision to remain with him should not be all about money, but making good decisions as a team. I think he’ll do a lot better with a fresh start, your support and superb money management skills.
I hope the best for both you and your beau.
That first paragraph should keep Smoking Man in the closet for a week…(hopefully it’s soundproof ).
Hey girl your a catch he is not. He will bleed you dry.
All talk and no walk from C again.. haven’t we heard enough bluffing from him already?
Steph, run now before it’s too late. The secret to marital bliss is financial compatibility. Ideally, find a spouse even cheaper than you are!
My wife (who is more frugal than I am) and I manage to save over 90% of our after-tax pay, that’s how we managed to collect 6 investment SFH’s in M5R/M5S/M5T, all carrying +++
and that’s on top of a few hundred grand in stocks and a big heap of cash under the mattress (50k+ at home, you know, for emergencies)
Oh, and to the deniers out there, thanks to urban housing inflation, $500k/year is the new $100k, but it is possible! even for people in their 20s like us. the world’s a big place and there are tons of opportunities out there for the best and brightest like Smoking Man and yours truly, just takes unconventional thinking and real smarts, not the educational industrial complex variety
Steph, $75k credit card debt? Come on!
Given the tenor of the comments yesterday (Mars/Venus), today’s correspondence to Mr. Turner is a poorly-veiled, passive/aggressive ruse.
Watch your language. Children read this. — Garth
Your bf needs to declare bankruptcy. $75k of cc debt on $66k of salary is unsurmountable unless his entire take home pay goes to debt repayment. Once cc debt hits the same level as your gross income it’s game over. Unless he can sell the house and use what is left to clear it, which seems doubtful!
Garth, with regards to the housing market, you do make a lot of sense. However, when you’re prognosticating about interest rates, not so much. Carney has been blowing that higher rate horn for a long time and nothing’s happened. He’s proven himself absolutely toothless. No one would welcome higher interest rates more than me, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon to any meaningful extent for any prolonged period. My personal belief is that the world is in too rotten a shape financially speaking and people like Steph’s boyfriend will not get a well-deserved comeuppance for quite awhile.
The guy prognosticating on rates was the one who sets them. Fail. — Garth
Hey Steph, I m 26 with 100k saved, some of it invested in stocks and is making a better return than if it was to sit in a savings account. We should date, I think we would be good for each other :)
“In a relationship”. Better to keep it that way. Don’t marry him or have kids to him until after he wins the lottery and clears his debts. Please.
35 and no kids, eh? Boy, what I wouldn’t trade to be one of your cats in 40 years…
Hey Steph,
Love lasts forever as long as you keep investing in it.
Vatodeth wrote:
“Mark Carney says he’s willing to blow the whistle on misbehaving banks
http://business.financialpost.com/2012/08/09/mark-carney-says-hes-ready-to-blow-the-whistle-on-misbehaving-banks/”
———-
I have this image of Mark Carney sitting at the head of a huge oak table in the main boardroom of The Bank of Canada. Alone. His only company are the former governors of the BofC from eons past. They are stern oil paintings that seem to issue forth a call to responsibilty too great for the shoulders of just one man. His lips purse. The clock over his shoulder reads 11:40pm. He makes a late night call to Flaherty and does a lot of listening. They argue briefly, but intensely. There is stoney silence. Mark know’s he’ll be on the phone to Harper at 7:15am the very next morning.
I think interest rates in Canada are decided in that way, by serious professionals who know the true meaning of leadership. These guys aren’t getting pushed around by lending institutions. Decision makers at high levels of Canadian finance await breathlessly to see what happens. Further afield is the global financial community trying to guess what Carney will do…to align their strategy to Canada.
Gee, I hope he does the right thing. Good thing he is willing to hold those misbehaving banks accountable. There’s no telling what he might do, and the direct impact on Canadians his actions will have.
Godspeed Governor.
As far as the woman’s “financial” situation, when this famous ex heroin addict got off drugs, she discovered that the main illness wasn’t drugs at all…but codependency.
She wrote one of the best selling books ever to hit bookstore shelves in Canada. Anyone who really wants to understand the “real estate” drama will get a very clear picture of what it’s all about upon reading it.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0894864025
RUN, Stephanie, RUN!! DEBT DUMMIES do NOT get better with age, they get further in DEBT. I’ve seen this flick played out over, and over here in the states.
Never try to “reform” a DEBT DUMMY, you will end up the greater fool! RUN AWAY (you can do better)
Stephanie, you do realize that once the “love” wears off, you would end up divorcing the guy anyways right? His values are polar opposite to you and I can make that assumption just looking at your and his, balance sheet (if true).
He takes no risk, you are cautious. He doesn’t think about the future, you do. He is impulsive, you are not.
The fact is, you seem to have low self esteem (reason you are cautious) and think that if you break up with him, you will end up alone the rest of your life.
Statistically, I can guarantee you that you are going to end up like that anyways if you stay with this person, except now you will be alone AND broke and probably have to look after 1 or 2 kids with no help from a dead beat useless dad. Plus you will be 5-10 years older and worn out and your chances of finding “true love” will be even that much harder.
Oh, and your $90k a year job will probably be gone because of looking after your kids, and your kids will hate you too because you are too busy working your ass off to recover financially because you couldn’t rationalize enough to see you are with a nice guy that is a huge financial bomb waiting to blow you up.
Don’t be dumb. Please?
I am not as worried about the debt as I am his reckless, irresponsible behavior. Unless he has completely changed his spending behavior and is committed to improving his financial life, you should ditch him. Otherwise you will have a lifetime of fights over money and spending. This dude sounds like a very incompatible partner.
Stephanie, here’s some very sane advice for you which will help you keep your man and reduce financial risk: have him sell the property to you at a 25% discount below market value, have him pay off the debt and keep the rest, secure a 10 year fixed mortgage, put 20% down, and once all that is done marry him. This way you have helped him clear his debt, put some savings in his pocket, gotten yourself a good deal on a home and you both can stay in that home he loves so much. If he does not agree you get enough reason to break up with him.
Steph … run for the friggin hills. You are what we call a “keeper”. You will go places and have a great life. He is what we call an “idiot”. Not untypical in today’s world. And his mother is what we call an “enabler”. They will drag you down with stupid decision after stupid decision. It would be just a matter of time before his (and his moms) problems became your problems (if they aren’t already). Problems gravitate towards money …. when theirs is gone…. yours will be next to get sucked up.
There are lots of guys in the world (over 3 billion actually). Find a responsible one. Fight the urge to be like the moth being drawn towards the bug zapper light. Just leave. Soon. I’ve known many know people like this ….. they are nice people ….. “big hearts” …. but they are hopeless. They have failure ingrained in their bones.
Until mommy bails him out. Steph, what a catch!
How does one even accumulate $75,000 in CC bills? That’s a lot of hookers and hash.
#20Kurt on 08.09.12 at 10:18 pm
You don’t tell us why you can’t leave him, but I will tell you this: under law, marriage is primarily a business arrangement. If you share a residence with this guy for three years
……………………………………………………………….
I may be mistaken but I think common law is after 6 months now and I think there is some sort of legal relationship after 3 months
You know times are tough when the Security Trader’s Association adds this recent link on their homepage:
Recovery Program / Substance Abuse
http://www.canadiansta.org/
#16 T.O. Bubble Boy on 08.09.12 at 10:10 pm wrote:
I think I’ve made this comment before: cases like this need Gail Vaz-Oxlade WAY before they need Garth.
Not such a bad idea. I’m sure that the producers of Gail’s “Princess” show are always looking for “interesting cases” and a male princess like Stephanie’s BF would certainly fit the bill. Maybe Steph should email her.
A letter will make a hell of difference. You can ball him but not bail him. Be smart do catch and release, the faster the better.
Whoa! You’ve “sold out” the Marriott Hotel ballroom? That’s a lot of coffee and cookies, Garth … you are serving coffee and cookies, aren’t you?
#36 John
All you need to know about Marc Goldman Sachs Carney is here.
In other news today: SEC drops investigation into Goldman Sachs’ mortgage deal http://www.housingwire.com/news/sec-drops-investigation-goldman-mortgage-deal
This is global looting. There are no rules.
I expect that many will not escape from a bad situation before it is too late to save themselves. Although this is unfortunate it is understandable. Too many want to believe that real estate is a bullet proof investment that tends to go up. Too many people don’t want to believe that they themselves are infact the greater fool and that those they trust and look up to would never mislead them or lie to them when it comes to investments. This sets them up for a fall that would be painfull even if the was no debt involved and excruciating if the real estate invester owes alot of money. Those with large real estate debt would be wise to either increase their income or cut their losses before the crowd figures out what is about to happen.
#40 – Fodork – that is sane and reasonable advice but he will not go for it, even if he does he will drain her financially and emotionally in the long term. I’m guessing she’s 35 and wants to get married and have a family. Only a desperate woman would get involved with a guy like this. Steph is doing great financially but needs to look at her low self esteem issues.
Stephanie is suffering obsessive love with an addict, not sure what addictons the guy has that causes him to want to carry so much debt without a care in the world. As a previous poster stated she must have extreme self esteem issues. Cannot understand what issues the mother has just giving money to the kid like she is doing, instead of planning for her retirement.
Steph …. don’t try to figure him out, don’t try to help, don’t try to fix him …… just leave. It is hopeless. They never get it.
#38 Mithan: amen to that, totally agree! You said it better than I did. I was to pi**ed at Steph to articulate those thoughts. I do hope she listens and acts on the advice given.
I remember meeting a 25yr old who was dating a very attractive and smart girl who had recently been accepted to med school. He was bragging in front of her how her bank had “approved them” for $100K line of credit. I quietly watched her reaction. Needless to say, she saw the writing on the wall and ditched him two weeks later.
The number one cause of marital strife is money. With this girl being financially prudent and her “better” half being both financially and emotionally immature – this story is bound to become a trainwreck.
I’ve always advocated younger singles to marry their financial equal. It ensures if the breadwinner dies that the other spouse will be able to care for both themselves and their kids and avoids the fights over money.
Hey Garth, how about starting a new match-making site:
Liquid Singles
“And if they don’t, we’re going straight to the top. We’re going to the leaders of the G20, and we’re going to the media and the general public, and we’re letting people know who’s on track and who’s lagging behind.”
In another words….I’ll through anyone I have to under this bus.
Read more: http://www.windsorstar.com/business/fp/Mark+Carney+says+willing+blow+whistle+misbehaving+banks/7065550/story.html#ixzz236rWZVLS
I absolutely cringed at the thought of reading Garth’s response after reading this letter.
Ohhhhh it was worth the scroll-down.
Pay attention to the weakening in the long-term bond market (and USDX) kiddies. What may soon wind up as bliss to the goldbugs may wind up as pain to those with variable interest rate debt. Of course it will all be spun as a strengthening economy…. lol…. Tax receipts
might suggest otherwise. (hint: there’s that velocity of money thing again).
#24vatoDETH on 08.09.12 at 10:27 pm
I think he’ll do a lot better with a fresh start, your support and superb money management skills.
I hope the best for both you and your beau.
……………………………………………………………………
This guy has to get really serious now about getting things in order. I would be surprised if he will be able to sell but maybe there is still some silliness left in the market. I spent 2 decades bringing money in the front door and throwing it out all the windows. The kind of change required is a massive psychological detox. There is no magic bullet last hoop at the buzzer for 99.99% of cases. Even now from time to time I creep my way back to spending more money then I should be (books and computers, it is always the books that get me going from time to time and the computers crap out at the worst times, not when I have $3000 in my pocket but ten minutes after I have given the cash to my wife and I am left with $700 to get a new system up and running and make it through a long month), the only difference now is that I work on a cash basis and can see the nonsense very quickly. Credit cards are like cell phones, a necessary evil to be used only when one can not escape doing so. Financial responsibility is absolutely essential in a man and even more so in a husband. Been there done that on a smaller scale but equally toxic. There are children’s University tuitions to be paid. As for this woman, if you are hoping an opposites attract scenario is going to play out well in the long run well I just do not see it. If you are hoping to have some kids with this poor guy and kick him to the side well I guess that makes some sense but he has enough problems already. He is about to be run over by a train wreck of a bubble collapse. You have put away a tidy sum but it simply is not enough to be taking such huge chances. I have no idea about you as a person but your bank balance speaks volumes and I can not help wondering if you truely respect this guy. (PS, her money management skills are going to quickly sound like finger nails scratching on a chaulk board if the guy does not want to hear it, nothing against this guy, he is like most people nowadays just a little heavier on the credit cards than some people. How do you think we got these ridiculous house prices)
Steph, if after all these people tell you to dump the loser and yet you will not, I will give you my reservation, free. I agree with what Garth says, so I’m just the choir at this point.
Stephanie, you can enjoy this fellow but:
A. Don’t marry him – you’ll inherit debts you’re liable 4
B. Don’t live common-law unless you know how BC common-law works (in Alberta you just have to shack up for 6 months before your roommate/love interest can start demanding assets following breakup )
Best for each of you to have your own shacks and have wild sleepovers
Who say’s she wants to get married? Is that what society expects. Don’t assume marriage is for everyone.
Carney “sets” interest rates in a manner akin to how a weather vane decides which way to point. The financial powers want us all to believe the potent directors fallacy, but BoC monetary policy of late amounts to little more than talk therapy.
Kurt: I’ve seen lives destroyed by debts brought to a marriage.
somehow I do believe Kurt
Stephanie, wake up!
Kurt if you’re ever in Ottawa give me a call
[email protected]
Maybe she can change him:)
Herman Van Rumpuy=James Rodd
Nigel Farage=Dmitry Medvedev=Don Thompson
Steph, instead of bailing this guy out, you may as well distribute your money to readers of this blog, as we as taxpayers will be paying for his doomed mortgage ultimately to be bailed out by CMHC.
Panic’s over, Patti love Hewitt show on CTV today says that there will be bidding wars on Condo’s and that the prices won’t go down. How’s that for a bunch of bull.
This has to be Garth’s funniest in a long while:
“…loser…peabrain…idiot lover…human detritus…financial carcass….”
Man this blog is anything but pathetic! It’s better than stand-up comedy! Garth had me in stitches at ‘peabrain,’ BUT… as I read with awe about Steph’s financial acumen, her words “dumping him isn’t an option I’m considering” brought me down to earth. I couldn’t help thinking who is the one not firing on all cylinders here?
Stephanie, it might not have been an option you were considering before contacting Garth, but hopefully after reading all the comments on this blog you will now seriously consider it. He is not worth destroying your successful life over. Find someone more worthy and compatible. Do not hesitate! Back away as if he has financial ebola.
Steph, plenty of fish in the sea, please run from your boyfriend. He will never change and he’ll only be an anchor. At his salary and debt level he’s doomed forever and will only take you down with him.
Garth. Please give Steph a front row seat with a backstage pass if she dumps him before the 20th.
Here’s David Rosenberg’s take on interest rates. Can’t argue with his track record.
http://www.businessinsider.com/david-rosenberg-treasuries-long-bond-rally-2012-8
The root of this problem is that Steph cannot reason with her bf to the point that they can work this out together. She is seeking outside advice to solve the problem. This is not a money problem, this is a relationship problem. She does not have the “tools” to solve her own relationship problem, and needs to figure that out and get her butt into gear at working it out with the bf. Steph needs to show her bf how to be like her financially – by talking/living/spending/saving in the same way. If they can’t do that together, they won’t be able to have a healthy relationship together either.
No one making $66K racks up $75K in credit card debt and expects to pay it off themselves! He’ll take money from Steph like he’s taking it from his mom. Walking all over the two of them, as long as they allow it.
Steph, If you get the point, we all are after your money, nobody would complain if first gave us your money and then you can have the guy. deal ?
Just think Steph one day you will be his Mom.
Crazy, i would suggest counseling i suspect it will track back to your father, or lack of.
@ Calgary Girl
I’m 31 and have worked for the past 8 years earning less than $50,000 a year. I have no debt. I have a very healthy bank account and some investments. A brand new car which I paid off in one year. A wonderful apartment with a pool and other little luxuries.
It’s quite easy to live well on even less than $66,000 a year.
I’ve not read any commit. I jumped to tell you what I think Steph or whatever you are.
The guy is a loser with no morals. How can he be so in debt and get his family paying for this?
Being in a relation with such a loser is not an option. Seriously, you are being duped by this guy and he will take everything you worked hard for.
If you continue with any contact with this dude … you are the greater fool.
peakprosperitycom/crashcourse. About the economy and most important Bubbles bursting.
you know the funniest part is that in time he will be giving her advice.
Steph, find a man who can stand on his own two feet. Be very cautious about Mr. Big Spender’s true motives. If his mom (and/or you) keep bailing him out, he’ll never learn and just go deeper into debt, eventually bankrupting himself, his mom and/or you.
35 and no children = FAIL
woman, 35 and no children = READ ANATOMY and FAIL SOON
woman, 3-digit savings and income, great career, 35 and don’t want children = READ DARWIN and FEEL PROUD of ZERO contribution to evolution. Your mutation will be cancelled as you did not have even one offspring to inherit your genes. Now keep fooling yourself as successful and view another woman with little money and 5 children as poor and unsuccessful.
You’re sick. — Garth
I’ve now read the comments and had more time to think.
Steph …
He is an evil man who will seriously do damage to you financially and emotionally.
6 months living together could = half of what you alone have worked towards. (very remarkable financial achievements!)
I had a friend who’s partner took everything and left her in debt – and she was student. She supported him with 2 jobs and being a full-time student during his “startup”.
Once he was done with her, he took off and ended up in the USA.
Being a caring person, I picked up the pieces and fixed her situation.
Seriously, your man is very close to be (if not) a con artist.
OK I’ve spoken my thoughts – he is conning his mom and you.
Ok Steph, here is the plan of action.
Let the moron go bankrupt, shouldnt take long as you live in BC and the market is already on its way down.
Marry him AFTER he goes bankrupt, he wont even be able to get a credit card. You can always tell him ‘I told you so’ and his financial opinion will be invalid forever.
Let the bed shitter learn the hard way. Stop hand feeding him, and let him fall on his ass.
All of U talking only about money, are U crazy? nothing else left? Stephanie has her reasons, and confidence in fate, you are desperatelly living cheque to unemployment. It’s summer, go have some beeach fun. Buy a ball, colorful, if you dare.
Stephanie: U are bossing him around, you tried to bluntly manipulate Garth for tickets. Shame, he will leave you for a different womana, and you will be nervious\pathetic for 15 years when he remembers you, as the other one goes sore (relationship). Turn to any religion babe (e.h. budhism) or yoga and save your possesive soul from wasting this life (assumptions assumed)
Steph, it’s not just about you getting married and taking on the debts and bad habits of your “bo-hunk”. Where do you think your future mother in law is getting the money to bail out her son? From her HELOC, no doubt.
So face it, if you shack up with this guy, you won’t just be bailing him out, but eventually you’ll have to bail his mother out too. And probably any other members of his family.
When it comes to money management, the apple often doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Stephanie,
Date me… I’m solvent with 4x your net worth in liquid investments, have a worldly upbringing, cook like a chef, employed as an exec in a multi national (earning $450k / yr), have no debt, live in luxurious rented (3 year lease) house in Shaugnessy, go on great global vacations, speak 6 languages, fly, dive (can hold my breath for a min and a half – in the bedroom ;-) am healthy and fit.
More debt than income, a family attitude of pouring good money after bad and a clear lack of understanding of the effects of interest has on his inability to ever be able to repay the debt suggests you are about to make a terrible mistake. Either he knows you’re his ticket out of trouble (and thus has no respect for you) or you don’t have enough respect for yourself.
Date me and you will understand what it means to be with someone who respects you and what you have produced… 2+2 = 7 in our case… 2+2=0 in his…
Garth, you should start a financial dating agency…
@ 49 Canadian Watchodg
“This is global looting. There are no rules.”
I shouldn’t have read this. This kind of stuff makes me really really really mad and just reaffirms my belief that the US gov’t ought to be tarred and feathered by the peoples of the world.
@#11 JRance “…he should declare bankruptcy…”
This guy with the 70K CC debt should not even be allowed to declare bankruptcy. He should be made to pay up to the last penny for his irresponsibility. Just to think he may default on his mortgage and us taxpayers will have to bail him out makes me want to puke.
Makes me think “What’s the point of me acting responsibly if so may dimwits out there are gonna fail and as a taxpayer / shareholder I’ll be stuck footing the bill for these bastards”. Maybe I should do exactly like them – live it up, amass mountains of debt and then declare bankruptcy; who cares, “its only money”. There are no real consequences to this behaviour it seems, except losing a credit rating. Besides, when enough people crash the system, we will all suffer the consequences anyways. What a fool I am!
Someone, tell me that being responsible and living within my means is the right thing to do?
John
Spoke with a guy in Vancouver today who is having trouble selling his condo. He acknowledged the slowdown but said that so many people want to live here and people are still moving here, so it will never crash…lol
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2:04 clip Here’s one for you Garth, if you can believe it.
“This puppy’s put to bed. Not. It gets worse. The financial carcass has you.” — And here are The Vultures (creditors) coming for their slice of the pie, but I guess it is Steph’s freedom of choice. We live with the consequences of our choices.
“Affordability will be increasingly strained for existing and potential homeowners when mortgage rates eventually drift up, . . . we may withdraw some of that monetary policy stimulus.” — The simplest way to mess up a country’s economy, and the people’s lives in it, is to gradually withdraw the money, and that is what has been happening for some time now.
#24 vatoDETH — “Marriage is a business contract and this guy has poor business sense. Your finances are prudent, while his are exorbitant. Part of a relationship is money and that’s reality.” — Such as here, here and here. He’s using you.
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#202 Smoking Man on 08.09.12 at 9:16 pm — Hi Smoking Man. Until some viable alternative to the CPC makes headway in the polls, I figure Harper and his neocons will stay there until they have all but destroyed Canada.
Then again, he is no more than a puppet of TPTB, whose strings are being pulled from elsewhere. The Libs. are a no-show with the NDP not much better. Chances are that C would have at least one, if not two quarter-point raises, as sheeple have become oblivious to the trouble they have put themselves in (see above to Steph)..
If the job numbers are positive, look for the CPC to take full credit for their policies, and to continue. But don’t ever trust the m$m, as they will already have fudged the numbers.
Two excellent posts: #49 Canadian Watchodg — “This is global looting. There are no rules.”
— and —
#58 groovin_123 — “Pay attention to the weakening in the long-term bond market (and USDX) kiddies. What may soon wind up as bliss to the goldbugs may wind up as pain to those with variable interest rate debt.”
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WW3 The Great Commodities War to end all wars; Slavery of Citizens Most of us are slaves to debts anyway; Better description of trickle-down economics; Get Rich Quickly by screwing up; HMV Bleeding; Phoney Tony Quitting the EU isn’t such a bad deal; Charity begins at home, not overseas spending. NAmerican govts. are doing the same thing; 5:37 clip The USS United States is sinking financially; Nippon Steel building plant in central Mexico; UK home repos up to 20%; Spanish schoolkids charged for eating their own lunches.
US$9 Corn Economic or eating problem? Camden, N.J. Fired entire police force; News Anchors Ask questions, get fired; EZone Another storm coming; USPS Only reason it’s losing money is because someone is siphoning out more than is going in; Faster Pace, but the economy’s sluggish; Carlyle Isn’t dubya associated with them? Greek depression; Chinese super-rich put brakes on; Stock Market profits vs. GDP; Fatter Profit Margins from corporations; One Chart France vs. US healthcare; Another Central Bank How many central banks does the world need?
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The US Civil War of 2016 which is about right, plus one here; 11:36 clip Global dominance (hah!); DHS Why would they order this, unless something is in the works? Spider’s Web in an ear canal? Wacky and this is true; Getting high on skywalks, and now for a Real Live Skywalker; Boris Johnson (London mayor) calls this one correctly, and Corn Syrup; Google Cars Accident free; Monster Stars mystery; New Ferrari Museum Pix.
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disciple — Mind control programming.
Interesting blog today Garth. About Stephanie. I have learned in my life, that, as I wish to not argue with insanity in my own mind, the last thing that I wish to do is argue with the insanity coming out of someone else’s mind, like Stephanie’s for example.
However.To the blog dogs. As for your advice to Stephanie, “Ditto”.
Stephanie, be careful how you proceed in this relationship. All the blog comments are true. Listen to those who have gone before you. After a while, the “in love” feeling does wear off, and what’s left is the practical day-to-day living. Rather, if the practicalities in the relationship are not being met, the love is going to disappear. Look at those debts. Aren’t you scared sh*tless? If you commit to this man, these debts will be yours. How long will YOU have to work to pay them off? Because he certainly won’t be able to.
If you do manage to convince him to sell, what about the habits that got him into his mess? Sure, these types are fun, for those of us who play it safe. They entertain us, we live vicariously through them. That fun wears off, believe you me. When you have kids and want to stay home to raise them, but can’t, because deadbeat isn’t contributing. Really think long and hard about the financial and practical habits this man has (does he at least clean the house and maintain the property? any redeeming quality?), because they will be the same or worse in marriage. People are nice while courting; after marriage, it’s game over, the real selves come out.
#61 : The “B.C. Family Relations Act” states after 24 months of cohabitation one has the rights of married person. After my Thai girlfriend visited her mother in Phuket, I told her she had to move out: it was at about the 18 month mark–she had been Miss Teen Thailand–but economics trumps that and I had seen the financial toll wreaked by lawyers, previously during an estate dispute created by my sisters $400,000 in legal fees. 10 years after turfing the Thai GF, I sold an apartment building for close to $4Million. After paying off the mortgage and taxes, I netted close to $2Million and did not have to “share” the proceeds. Along with quitting smoking in 1996, kicking out the GF was one of the smartest things
I did.
And I love being single and retired in Thailand.
Anybody with 75K in credit card bills is obviously a financial retard and anyone who stays with him is equally retarded.
BTW, anyone sensitive to the word “retard”, it’s still a psycholical illness as defined by DSM IV.
… Stephanie should meet Chad !
Isn’t this sad???
http://news.yahoo.com/photos/down-but-not-out-underwater-mortgages-slideshow/
Garth, could you explain the data underlying your sentence: “This is dismal news for a BC economy where building, selling and fluffing houses now accounts for 31% of the economy.”
Because when I look at the data, I can only get close to 31% by doing some double counting, or by adding stock variables and flow variables together.
Nothing like a clash of core values to solidify a long-term relationship.
Who needs fiscal responsibility when you’re hung like a Shetland?
Hey why are y’all pickin on poor Steph’s boy friend?
Seems to me he has all the main qualifications & traits of a Bank Governor, Finance Minister or a Prime Minister.
Get off the guy’s case jus cuz he don’t wear a suit!
Steph hang on to this one.
Steph, Leave all these emails under his pillow with Garth’s on top! Maybe after he sleeps on it he might come to his senses!
There’s too much repair work here and it doesn’t seem like he wants to change. His mom’s not rich yet he takes her money??? He doesn’t do anything to change his financial mess? RUN………
Steph, leave now, keep your $200K and incur none of his debt, or, leave him in 7 years (because you will) and lose half your coin and incur half his debt. And if you think you’ve come into his life to “change” him, forget it. Guys like this don’t change till they’ve lost it all and hit rock bottom. You’d have better luck getting Charlie Sheen to quit hookers and crack. When I split with the high-spending, debt-hiding ex, she took half of everything, and her debts were cleared. Five years later she was 40K in the hole again and filing a consumer proposal. Point is, people don’t change.
To all the people in the last few days who cant believe a 25 year old can make $100k a year -find a new line of work. I started in the oilfield when i was 18 and have made that much per year, every year. Oh, except when i went back to school…now i work less and make over $100k. Sorry to be pretentious, but if you have a good work ethic and want to make $100k/yr, move to Alberta!
Garth, you’re becoming a cult figure. Filling up a capacity crowd of 1200 in a matter of days? People are certainly looking for something to believe in, looking for hope, or looking for answers to how to make themselves happy. If owning a home isn’t a dream come true, then what is? Personally, I think you’re a great guy and you’ve done more to help others than sell-out politician or slimey bankers smiling at me like hyenas across their desks but these people coming to your gig have to take some responsibility. They should be able to critically think about what they want out of life and what makes them happy instead of investing $40k in university, getting a crappy, unfulfilling job that they preform only because they have to pay off a massive amount of debt through the only time in their lives that they will be healthy as an adult.
At least you’re not charging an entry fee or schelping merchandise at your gig. People who scalp your tickets are the lowest form of scum I can think of but good on them for making money from nothing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2bCO6tr7Zw
Kurt is very smart.
Check out this “news story”
http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/story/2012/08/09/statscan-new-house-prices-june.html
The title states the price went up by 0.2% and the story inside the headline says the price index went up by 0.2%
I’m far to thick to really know what that difference means, if anything, but it seems fishy to me…. something I think I heard somewhere from an angst ridden little wet blanket of a man on a website somewhere….. Garth Vader or something I can’t remember…..
Stephanie omfg leaving is not a. Option? I hope the sex is worth it bc this man will give you Alice of pain run mofo run imagine his attitude with kids in the mix you can never ever ever say you were not warned there were red flags he doesn’t listen to you
Means he doesn’t love you enough omfg run for the love of Jesus run pleassssssssso
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Gail as far as I know only does cases who live in the GTA she doesn’t want to travel away from her family
Steph’s not considering leaving him? Wow, he must be really really amazing in the sack!!! No worries, Steph. Continue to take advantage of his, erm, services. Just make sure to never give him money and never ever marry him. Be prepared to walk immediately if he ever does anything silly like give you an ultimatum. May not seem like it now, but there are actually a few billion other guys out there.
Steph. If your man knows THE MOVE. He’s worth keeping, not many men know the back crushing manover. If you have had iit you know of what I speak. If not. Broom him
Re: #4 Calgarygirl on 08.09.12 at 9:48 pm
Like what was said the guy will almost 100 percent certainly lose his house to the bank if he doesn’t sell this instant. The bank will call his underwater mortgage very soon as property values tank.
Aussie Headlines
BREAKING NEWS – It’s the bottom, buy now, prices are going to the moon.
RPData monthly video update
Did I mention it’s all based on a hedonic index, not actual unmanipulated data.
SSSSSHHHH Dont look at the stock on market levels or sale numbers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnuuwxaVVd8&feature=player_embedded
http://www.macrobusiness.com.au/2012/08/rp-data-august-housing-update/
After a senate inquiry was told about loans given to the unemployed and a 98 year old. Banks respond with “a dog ate our paperwork” , not that you are entitled to see it anyway.
Lenders are refusing to give borrowers copies of the loan application documents, according to a report in The Australian.
It said Bendigo and Adelaide Bank has told borrowers they are not entitled to copies of their applications, while other lenders have told borrowers that such documents have been destroyed.
In many cases, the borrowers affected took out low-doc loans.
The issue is related to a campaign by a consumer group, Banking and Finance Consumers Support Association, claiming that lenders falsified loan documents to provide inappropriately large loans to certain borrowers.
A BFCSA representative gave evidence to the Senate Standing Committee on Economics banking inquiry this week.
http://www.macrobusiness.com.au/2012/08/lender-say-not-to-dodgy-docs/
Are neo classical economists easily fooled?.
AUSTRALIANS have banking economists stumped.
They thought they knew what we would do when in 2009 the Reserve Bank outlawed largely hidden payments between financial institutions that were usually passed on to us as account-keeping fees whenever we used a so-called ”foreign” teller machine owned by another bank.
They thought we would do nothing.
The RBA’s tentative conclusion is that it is not the fee that is frightening us, it is being continually told about it.
So the solution is, don’t tell the sheeple – lol
http://www.theage.com.au/business/banks-2-fee-has-big-effect-20120809-23×13.html
Re: #66 KG on 08.09.12 at 11:54 pm
The CMHC won’t exist in any way shape or form only the taxpayers will be left to pay off all the underwater loans and mortgages.
Steph: “dumping him isn’t an option I’m considering”
Then don’t bother writing for advice; he’s the problem, not his debt, and the only solution is to run like hell. If you don’t, you’ll learn a terrible lesson.
Re: #58 groovin_123 on 08.09.12 at 11:33 pm
Interest rates will go no where but lower in both Canada and America. Both economies will be in recession next year. The overnight rate will be zero in both countries.
Your village called. — Garth
#53 “Steph …. don’t try to figure him out, don’t try to help, don’t try to fix him …… just leave. It is hopeless. They never get it.”
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Abolutely agree – work for social services if you want to “help people”….. Walk away from this guy/life – get some ben & jerry’s and read your financial statements – that will cheer you up… then move on…
Steph: “dumping him isn’t an option I’m considering”
Fine keep dating him, just don’t commit financial suicide and marry him.
Stephanie ~ From a woman old enough to be your mother, and speaking from the POV of having “rescued” three different men in three different relationships from their own stupidity over the last 25 years…
RUN AWAY AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!
#105 Smoking Man
Tooo funny ….. “The Move” (you’re watching women’s wrestling on the Olympics aren’t you?) Lol …. I personally prefer the Inverted Triple Melvin with a half twist …. keeps them coming back for more : ) Although I know having ones back crushed is a total turn-on and hard to resist : ) Smoking Man …. what was the last time (just the year please) you performed “The Move”? (wait! …. ooops there goes my gag reflex again : ) All kidding aside …. very funny. You’re a nut.
Boy Garth,
Am I ever with you 1000% on this one.
Steph, one thing that Garth has not mentioned is that what is even WORSE than someone who has amassed way more debt than he can handle, are his financial habits.
If a guy like this can admit he is in over his head and agree to make changes to straighten out his life (and believe me this is much more difficult than it sounds .. habits, especially spending habits, are so hard to break) then perhaps I would consider staying with him, provided he followed a strict diet and started paying off all of that debt (although I wouldn’t marry him until I could clearly see that his new habits were for life and until all of the debt was gone).
However, if he feels there is nothing wrong with his situation and he is continuing to spend AND he has a meddling mama who keeps enabling his behaviour by bailing him out (Steph, this would become your mother-in-law and you would have eternal battles with this issue) … run like hell and as far as you can.
I realize that people don’t like to mix matters of the heart with financial matters but when you are a couple, especially a legal one, your heart and your joint bank account will become one big puddle of misery whether you like it or not.
Outstanding credit card debt is stupid and there is absolutely no denying it. Credit cards should be used strictly for convenience and balances should always be paid. Anyone paying 18-20% interest in this day and age of 3% mortgages is just plain STUPID STUPID STUPID. Wake up and see this Steph. If this guy has a habit of spending money he has not yet earned, that debt will become yours and he will keep spending money neither one of you have earned. What a miserable life .. working your ass off to help supply your husband’s next fix.
What you are doing is wonderful. And a defined benefit pension plan … well that’s the holy grail of retirement plans .. a virtual unicorn these days so hang on to that job if you can. Savings .. yeah I’m with you on the research aspect and these days it is difficult to find something decent with a regular return and no risk to the principal. But while you’re thinking, stick it at least into a GIC or something so that it keeps up with inflation. In a bank account it is losing value.
You are SO on the right track .. please don’t ruin it by attaching yourself to someone like this. Until the umbilical chord is cut and this guy grows up financially, it would be a big mistake to think you can change him. Tread very carefully because your future is at stake … and for heaven’s sake, make sure you purchase the best quality condoms because you don’t want another problem, if you know what I mean.
Best of luck Steph .. you are doing fine … as for your significant other, YOU have more influence on him than Garth will ever have. Make it real for him. Show him how much interest he is paying every month on his credit card and what he could buy for that amount. Show him how much that last purchase will actually cost him when you add the interest (about 3-5 times what he paid for it in the store). Put numbers together to show him how much that house really costs per month, with upkeep, taxes, insurance etc.. and compare this to what he makes per month (net of taxes). If he still doesn’t get it then just go.
HHHW
@78
I’m curious, how many factors do you take into consideration to determine if a man is successful?
Canada (CAD) Employment Change: -30.4K, Expected: 9.0K, Previous: 7.3K
Steph,
If you must keep him around … move in with him, pay $200k of his mortgage now, slowly pay off his debt. But be prepared to loan him money his whole life like his mommy does.
#115 HHHW
Ahhhhh … a woman and her hope. Makes for great movies … but gets you slaughtered in real life. Love conquers a lot ……. but not dept ….. and not “stupid”. Debt doesn’t let up until paid in full (with interest) … and stupid is forever. Like moths to a bug light or flies to “you know what”. Save your energy …. move on. These people DO NOT CHANGE! (not yelling : ) They suck people into their problems. Steph can still talk to and keep in touch with loser-guy … wave to him (and his mom) when you drive by their trailer park in a few years. Buy him smokes and beer if you feel bad for him (especially around the Holidays) … but don’t attach to that boat anchor.
Steph, you are in a frightening situation. If you prefer the bible: To Thine Ownself be True. If that is not your thing, then go with the Eurythmics: Be True to Yourself and You Cant Go Wrong. You need to follow your own good sense – don’t be mis-directed – you know you have a relationship issue, or you would not be seeking advice, however potentially misdirected to the Greater Fool Blog.
Shake off the denial. Financial paradigms and behaviours will have to be resolved. Do it now, not later. You need to choose: Resolve the issues, or Dissolve the relationship. You have been responsible to date and that is clearly a result of your paradigm. Yours and his appear to be polar opposites. Human nature being what it is, he is unlikely to change. For that matter, you are unlikely to change, although you may subvert your good sense and soldier on through denial for a few years. This is too big a factor for a successful and fulfilling long term relationship to result from your union.
Find someone more compatible! (BTW, if leaving is not an option due to pregnancy, better to be a single mom with one child with a dead beat dad than having a whole brood with him before you exit the broken relationship, broke.)
Those of us recommending that you run, truly hope that you can step back and see that you are on the precipice, before going over. It is a long, long climb back up once you have gone over the edge, and many never make it back.
Save yourself now Steph – it is not (yet) too late!
Wow, whenever I think I’m overleveraged – 500K mortgage on 150,000 net income I’m going to refer back to this blog post….
75,000 on a visa? I once ramped up 2,000 on a vegas trip and went into a 3 month depression
But are these numbers inflated or made up? I hope not, b/c I feel great!
Steph,
How about we volunteer for Wife Swap? My other half’s spendthrift ways would bankrupt your guy in very short order. That would increase his net worth by at least twice his gross annual salary, and she might learn to stop spending.
Seriously though, if you must stay with him, protect yourself. Debt can last a lot longer than a relationship.
Steph, on the outside chance that you are still on the fence, try thinking this through by asking/answering a few questons:
What was the money spent on to amass the CC debt?
How much of it is being paid off each month? minimums?
Where is his current income going? How much is discretionary spending and what is that spent on?
Keep exploring down this path and you will see what his spending patterns are, and what his debt handling patterns are. Without details, and only looking at results, they both suck and are not compatible with you and your patterns.
Do you really want to stay with someone like that? Of course the answer is no. You tried to change his behaviour without success, and then asked Garth to help you try to change it. Most of us here think that there is (almost) no chance it will change. Given his likely age (mid-30s like you), I would put that chance at a statistical zero. Could still happen, but you are more likely to be struck by lightening.
So explore the underlying behaviours to solidify your understanding, but my previous recommendation stands.
Run. Move on. Never look back. Take another path, another fork in the road, and you will be happy that you did.
Following two months of little change, employment in July declined by 30,000, the result of losses in part-time work. The unemployment rate rose 0.1 percentage points to 7.3%.
Compared with 12 months earlier, employment increased 0.8% or 139,000, with full-time employment up 1.4% while part-time employment declined 1.8%. Total number of hours worked increased 1.2% over the same period.
Employment losses in July were in wholesale and retail trade; professional, scientific and technical services; public administration; and natural resources. These losses were partly offset by gains in information, culture and recreation as well as in finance, insurance, real estate and leasing.
In July, employment declined in Quebec, British Columbia, Manitoba as well as in Newfoundland and Labrador, while it increased in Prince Edward Island. There was little change in the other provinces.
Losses were concentrated among women aged 55 and over, while employment was virtually unchanged among the other major demographic groups.
Isn’t this sad???
http://news.yahoo.com/photos/down-but-not-out-underwater-mortgages-slideshow/
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It’s sad in that the biggest drop was 110k, 330k to 220k…. The drops in Canada will be more like 650k to 220k for McMansions and Toronto condos from 375k to 75k, if that. If anything, looking at those pictures, I would say the Americans were rather prudent home purchasers– $120K? You can’t even buy a little shack in canada for $120K. Canada is going to get annihilated.
Women marry men and hope they’ll change (but they don’t); men marry women and hope they won’t change (but they do).
Steph hopes he’ll change, but he won’t. When making financial decisions who will he listen to? His mommy, who has him by the wallet. Smart mommy! She has her boy in her pocket.
Unemployment rate rising:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/economy/jobs/canadian-economy-sheds-30400-jobs-in-july/article4472921/
But Smoking Man has to be happy about this:
“Economists were expecting job losses in the education services as school boards terminated contracts before rehiring in the fall, but instead the sector added 11,700 jobs in July.”
wow….that’s all i can muster in regards to this poor blind girl in love (?).
A $66,000 SALARY IS MODEST??!! When I think of all the people I know across Canada, only my dad and maybe one of my friends actually pull down a salary in that range. I’m talking educated, cultured, capable people….
Same planet, different worlds I guess…..charmed lives for some….
Steph, perhaps my previous comment was a bit hard on your relationship. Is it is possible to ring fence your finances so that if he goes down, your income and your investments are safe?
Steph,
I know a yound lady who married a handsome young man who was $150K in debt (credit card, LOC, student and CRA). They both worked hard, and two years later had paid off all of his debts. And then they split, at her instigation.
#83 Marco from Van on 08.10.12 at 12:53 am
“Stephanie,
Date me… I’m solvent with 4x your net worth in liquid investments, have a worldly upbringing, cook like a chef, employed as an exec in a multi national (earning $450k / yr), have no debt, live in luxurious rented (3 year lease) house in Shaugnessy, go on great global vacations, speak 6 languages, fly, dive (can hold my breath for a min and a half – in the bedroom ;-) am healthy and fit.”
_______________
All that and still looking for a date?
You must be shaped like a can of beer and look like one.
You probably like to show off and talk about yourself a lot. Me, me, me. Boring and single.
No No No !!!
You guys don’t get it !
Stephanie deserves this guy ! She is hard working disciplined humble woman, who neglected her hard and desires for far too long !
Then credit-horny ape comes and bangs all her dreams and she inexperienced in love and lust gives in !
…”leaving him is not an option” !!! – he is only one she had !
Poor girl ! She does not deserve this, but she must learn lesson hard way !
That is the only way she will learn to respect her self and her rare manners !
Wow, thats an incredible amount of debt…Credit card Olympian…toooo funny!! He has developed some very destructive habits, maybe you can educated him financially, seems like you are trying, but until then, there should be no legal attachments at all. If he cant or wont learn, cut your losses…
Stephanie, it took me until I was almost 40 to realize that nobody was going to look after me financially except myself. Lose this guy now or you will live a life of continuous worry. No debt= happy secure life…..At least thats the way I see it…
Pea appears to be a prime candidate for bankruptcy. Walk away before things get worse and start over !
It sure is different in Ottawa –
From the print edition of The Ottawa Citizen, page F1 (Busines Section):
This item did not make it into the internet edition.
The pigs at the trough:
===============================
From the latest Labour Force Survey, July 2012:
“Following two months of little change, employment in July declined by 30,000, the result of losses in part-time work. The unemployment rate rose 0.1 percentage points to 7.3%.”
“Compared with 12 months earlier, employment increased 0.8% or 139,000, with full-time employment up 1.4% while part-time employment declined 1.8%.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Compared with 12 months earlier, employment in the public sector increased by 2.1%, while private sector employees and self-employment were little changed.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8oneangryslav2 on 08.09.12 at 9:53 pm
“Do all 35-year olds spell “your” as “ur”?”
******************
It’s acceptable, when using smartphones.
Garth my comment # 116 needs clarification.
Walking away and starting over, meant declaring bankruptcy and walking away from his financial mess.
It was not a suggestion to walk away from his beautiful lady.
VPD riot squad? What VPD riot squad? The VPD has a riot squad? Where?
Smoking Mans empire suffers another hit
http://www.vancourier.com/Court+orders+closure+Vancouver+shop/7059581/story.html#ixzz236Kq3Lzr
Pre-nups in Canada aren’t worth the paper their written on. See a lawyer and for $250 he’ll confirm what I just said.
There isn’t a judge in the land who will feel sorry for you with a great job and a gold plated pension while he has had to declare bankruptcy so that he can care for his poor aging mother. ( I shoulda been a liar!)
After all, you have lots and he has nothing. It will cost you thousands in legal to hold onto what is yours. Having children with him will keep him in your life forever. There’s a comforting thought! Your pension, credit rating and self worth will be at huge risk.
He’ll mess up someone’s life. Make sure that it is someone else’s.
#84 John in Mtl on 08.10.12 at 1:21 am
Someone, tell me that being responsible and living within my means is the right thing to do?
——————-
It is the right thing to do.
A) It’s about YOUR character! For example, would you respect the esteemed host of this pathetic blog if he has a pile of liquor bottles bottles outside his bunker and been indicted for fraud more times than Madoff? I might not agree with his opinion on the direction of the economy, but I do respect his integrity and character.
B) It’s about reaping what you sow! Your life will be so much easier with fiscal responsibility vs. irresponsibility. Even in a society that makes walking easy through bankruptcy, there are still consequences. When times get really tough, many of these people will be condemned to a life of feudal poverty in which there is no way out.
Stephanie
The reason why you need to leave this guy are not about money. It’s about fairness. He thinks he deserves a nice house, and gets his mother to give him the downpayment. All the other junk that he has acquired via his $95k in non-mortgage debt is other stuff that he hasn’t worked for or earned, but thought he should get. If you think that he is generous or kind when he gives you a nice gift, remember, he didn’t give it to you, the credit card company did. Then again, given your financial acumen, you are obviously not impressed or swayed by ostentatious spending.
How on earth does any adult take large sums of money from a parent, especially one whom you say is “not rich”? My husband was recently out of work for a year, and we didn’t ask for money from anyone, we lived within our means, and used our emergency fund. I would have been ashamed, and felt like a failure had I asked for a handout. My parents raised me to stand on my own, he is obviously still a child. Will he feel responsible or guilty when his mother has to do without in her retirement just so he could buy more junk on a credit card? The point is, taking from her isn’t about just getting some fluffy paper we call money, it’s the fact that she has to make sacrifices in order to give him the money. He’s a selfish feckless git.
Let’s fast forward until you two are legally entwined, common-law, married, whatever.
If he makes less than you, who cares, liking your job is more important than just the pay. And not all of us are skilled at the kinds of jobs that can make you $90k a year. The point is does he contribute to the household to the best of his ability? If one of you stays home and takes care of the house and kids, while the other earns money, great, you are both contributing. How will you feel when he sits around, and expects to live large on your salary, and yet doesn’t contribute or make an effort? Then it will be you, not his mother, who is going without, stressing about paying the bills, cutting back, because of his extravagance. Do you want to eat cat food in your retirement?
When I met my husband he was only about $5k in credit card debt, but had $12k in student debt, no savings, and pissed away a couple of hundred each weekend in beer. I liked him, but wanted to contribute to the relationship equally, and didn’t have a lot of money, I was a grad student and living within my means. I showed him what it was like to have savings, have fun without spending a lot etc. Only well after he mended his ways did I agree to marry him. Now, he’s just as excited about saving money each month as I am, but we still enjoy ourselves. He needed to grow up, and I only married him once he did. Life isn’t all about money, but the way people treat money is a very good indicator of their maturity. Relationships don’t break down because of money, they break down because when people approach money differently, they have very different views on life, responsibility, entitlement, selfishness etc.
Garth, could you post a link for the listing of that condo in the picture? It looks “cozy” and “low maintenance”, plus comes with a “AAA tenant” already in there….
Why do the good girls like Steph go with such tools? Its because these girls deep down think “I can fix him” bullshit.
No, do NOT leave him, stay with him Steff, I actually think you need to be taught a painful financial lesson because I think you seriously deserve it. Marry him actually, and make sure you do not sign a prenup and be sure to share bank accounts etc.
Why do I say these things? Because people are going to do exactly what they will do no matter what Garth or me or anyone says.
People are idiots, so is Steff actually, for keeping this dufus, sucks to be you Steff hope your marriage to this tool completely fails and you go bust and transfer your meager wealth to the smarter ones like me.
jj
unemployment is up today
chinese exports are down- china will lower i rates
Mark Carney is full of [email protected] his next move is lower
all equals = hyper inflation-not deflation Garth
keep on selling tickets to ur shows bro
if people believ ur non sense good for u – but u don’t fool me for a minute
q e 3, then 4 , then 5etc oh yes bankers love to inflate all the while they say”oh the monster is inflation” – real monster is deflation that will cripple all economies – that is what they are fighting, the bankers I mean.
Tangible assets – up up and away
Steph,
#15 Toronto Boy is right. If your BF isn’t willing to attend a seminar, make him watch some episodes of Till Debt Do Us Part on Slice tv – Gail’s videos are posted there. It’s applicable to all, married or single. Your BF needs a smackdown.
You mentioned that dumping him isn’t an option – are you considering marriage? Please take heed to the advice in the comments, as well as your own common sense, which you do have, otherwise you wouldn’t have written to Garth.
Good luck!
“dumping him isn’t an option I’m considering”
Obviously she has considered it if it is clearly one of her options.
Steph — I don’t care if you’re 35 and lonely — this guy is NOT WORTH IT. Don’t shackle yourself to this loser and his mother. Don’t mortgage your future for the sake of having someone. Financial independence is worth so much more than that.
Steph:
1. $66K per year may be “modest” but some people with a salary like that have managed to buy houses (not with a $500k mortgage though, what are those Banks/CMHC/Flaherty thinking?) and pay down the mortgages early, while never once going into credit card or overdraft debt, and even enjoying vacations and saving some along the way. Okay, not in Vancouver.
2. ur inability to write “you” or “your” bugs the hell ut f me.
3. If u couldn’t figure out for urself what Garth et al just told u, then u probably deserve Mr Peabrain.
You guys are such suckers. How do we know Steph is telling the truth. He she could be guy garth just asmued she’s a chic.
Come on steph your holding out, something your not sharing.
But as we are taught in school we asume truth when it come from an authorative voice. Garths.
And all the celebery worship for the Great Gartho.
Steph. I personaly this your a oxycodie addict gambler, all your hubbies debt you ran up and blamed him. You only stick around cause his moms loaded and you get the golf course when she kicks the bucked.
Sorry toots. Your holding. Tell us the truth damn it. Don’t be like me
30k jobs lost in Canada last month. 15k was in BC. That jumped BC’s unemployment rate .4%!!!
Dear Steph,
My very strong recommendation is that you sign up for an extended Outward Bound hiking trip. You will experience a serious change of landscape, get a chance to do some meaningful reflection and focus on what is important in your life and what your goals are. When you get back, send the Pea on the same trek as a gift. When he gets back (assuming he isn’t kidnapped by bears), go out for dinner and talk about what you both want and don’t want and put the debt question front and centre and take stock. I agree with the other bloggers that say you sound like a keeper. Take stock, take charge and if there is no sea change in attitude, say thanks for the memories and walk on.
#142. Grim Reaper. You suck
I have given you so many chance to take me out yet you wimp out everytime.
I don’t give a flying f about Vancouver or timmins. Or the re market. I come one here just to poke people affraid of risk, that follow the rules. That drink the cool aid the teacher served up.
Garth please change the name of your post button. Please lose SUBMIT. Very painfull to click on that word
Steph,
Research shows that men who are bad with money are much more likely to be unfaithful. Worrying about debt and a possible bankruptcy for you may be the least of your problems. Based on my experience and mistakes choosing men, it seems to me like there is an addictive personality at play here. Selfish, pleasure and power seeking without any concept of consequences. This is not something you can change by dragging him to a seminar. RUN.
Surrey is worse than the Mississauga condo market. Too late to do anything now.
He makes $66K, she makes $90K and the feminazis still demand equality…
#110 Tony on 08.10.12 at 6:35 am
Interest rates will go no where but lower in both Canada and America. Both economies will be in recession next year. The overnight rate will be zero in both countries.
Your village called. — Garth
Answer: Japan
Dear Steph,
What the hell?!! Why can’t I meet somebody as responsible as you? Is this one of those “fixer-upper boyfriend” projects? You know, the ones where the nice girl plans to take a scruffy bad-boy, give the guy a new wardrobe, teach him some manners, a fresh coat of paint, and voila?!
Where did I hear this yesterday? You can put flowers in an asshole, but that doesn’t make it a vase.
Labour growth? Canada shed over 30,000 jobs in July. Carney is in over his head.
Ugh I didn’t really notice this:
“I really hope u are able to find a bigger venue and reopen registration for ur Vancouver talk… I’m hoping u’ll have better luck scaring that shit out of him than I’ve had.”
I’m hoping YOU’LL learn to take the extra second it would take to type out words instead of sounding like an illiterate teen on a Mountain Dew induced texting spree.
I was going to applaud your saving $200k after tax on a $90k salary by 35, which is a great (although who knows if some of that is inheritance or other windfall, it’s unlikely in the years it would take to build $200k in savings you wouldn’t bother to learn what to do with it), but your diction is too disgusting.
You deserve this guy for writing like that. Okay maybe not him, too severe of punishment. But nearly. Major pet peeve.
Thank you! This is the post I needed Garth! I am the “Steph” of Calgary and am going to have to send this link to my parents and well-intentioned friends who continue to set me up with debt-debilitated men. I do understand why Steph is in her situation though. It’s tough to find Garth-worthy men these days! :)
Interesting scenario today. Obviously Steph’s boyfriend should be turfed. The odds of having him turn into Mr Prudent Saver are slim, and the effort involved in getting there is probably not worth it.
However, let’s not assume that Steph (despite her financial discipline and bank account) is a keeper, as many of you suggest. She is 35 and well past her child bearing prime, meaning that her value for most men is actually pretty low. There are those who are looking for a partner who doesn’t want kids, but they aren’t in the majority. This may explain why she is hanging on to Mr Spendy.
I have single female friends in her age range, many of whom are lawyers or accountants with solid heads on their shoulders. They are not sought after.
Women always seem to treat men like jobs, where they will stay with a man until they find someone better then they will dump the one they have. Women have a fear of being alone, it is an insecurity that I use to meet crazy women on dating websites. I bet Stephs bf has more money then she does, but tells her he is broke and indebt so she will pay for dinner and drinks. He also likely wants to see how judgemental she is so is another reason why he says he has 75K in cc debt. I bebt Stephs bf is the one to show her the door, and Steph will sit at home and cry he pathetic lonely life away. At least she will still have the internet, and this blog to fall back on.
Defined benefit plan……read ‘pig in the trough’ civil servant.
Heres a good example of where the nexus gluttony and greed meets the lexus of stupidity and immorality.
http://news.nationalpost.com/2012/08/10/executives-cleared-of-conflict-after-buying-condos-in-social-housing-project-judge-rules/
Appointed judge lets greedy civic pig off for grabbing subsidized social housing units from the needy and downtrodden…..just because ‘they paid the same price’………..’scuse me while I puke.
Like there weren’t any single mom’s or disabled persons on poverty pensions who couldn’t have qualified?
We have the same issue in Vancouvers False Creek co ops where fat and greasy civic servant insiders are hogging all the subsidized spaces in the trndy creekside social developments.
In those ‘low income’ co ops we have lawyers, social activists, special interest leeches, social workers….even well know actors and movie producers who work for the evil leftist triads who snink around the public trough for overflowing scraps.
In the real world ‘civil servant’ is a social anagram for ‘shame and disgust’.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe
Albert Einstein
Inglorious Investor wrote:
“Carney “sets” interest rates in a manner akin to how a weather vane decides which way to point. The financial powers want us all to believe the potent directors fallacy, but BoC monetary policy of late amounts to little more than talk therapy.”
—-
That weather vane analogy is great. Simple….accurate. As the winds of change blow across Canada it will be clear that none of the “front” is domestic.
I’m sure Mark Carnival Carney is a good guy…like all of us. Still, it’s what we do that counts in moving the ball up the playing field.
Interesting that the men are all reacting…not acting. Funny with our 66,000 dollar subject. He needs to recover and “act on his own behalf”. Just like Carney. Both are lost and reacting, but Carney’s got cover.
Either way, the collective “female” isn’t happy about weather vane living.
Are they. Guys?
105 Smoking Man
thats, the bank crushing move
Tnt 367- You always seem to be pumping RE. I wonder why……….
thick skull vs. great advice.
guess what usually wins? Too bad Garth had no more room at the inn
Looking at the picture in detail, it’s easy. The knob above buddy’s left elbow indicates that the toilet bowl cover is up, so just press the lever and flush him away.
S’alright, Garth, this blog scares me too.
Hi Steph
Im 40 , i have
70 k in cash , GIC, term dep
80 K in stocks with ok dividends coming in, TFSA
60 k in mutual funds RRSP
just bought a new 2012 Japanese AWD vehicle in cash and i still 70 k cash
i also have a ave income, a little less than 66 k but no debt- i m an educated science guy
unlike others here, i know money isnt everything and finding the right person who ” clicks” with you is important . . but you have a right to protect yourself.
First tell him about your reservations and put in that prenup as something that would put your mind at ease. if he is ” Man ” enough he would sign it . I would do it in an instant . after carryfully reading it of course and their are some considerations for the ” kids” when and if.
i hope he has some skills, maintenance on house/ cook / plus intimacy…hold you / touch u softly. stuff like . he he to add somnething to the relationship
take care…good luck
Stephanie, you are crazy to stay with this guy.
It’s a question of alternatives:
1) Stay with him and help him financially, knowing that he likely won’t listen to you, so you better be OK with kissing your $200,000 goodbye. [you compromise, he doesn’t]
2) Leave him and protect your savings and future finances. Understand that you two are completely different people — if he won’t compromise, why should you? [you both don’t compromise]
You are gunning for option #3 — he compromises. It takes a big person for that.
So what’s the problem here Steph?
How does your beau’s financial situation affect yours? Are you living with the guy in his Surrey home? Are you providing him financial aid? Is he angling for your cash? If he is, you’ve a problem but from what you wrote it’s none of the above so you’ve no common law concerns so what then? Your ‘reclamation project’ mentality? Turner will drown this puppy so keep him away. It ain’t going to be a come to Jesus moment.
Keep this man’s apparently magical hands out of your pocketbook and where they belong. In the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, stairs or wherever while satisfying your ‘I can save this person’ needs.
It’s a win-win.
oh steph,
on another i think this guy know how to play woman
his mom and maybe ” you” . how many girlfriends has he had?
#137 Herb on 08.10.12 at 9:48 am
————————————–
If one reads the CMHC reports on Ottawa over the past few months, they would note that it was expected that starts would be significantly down, because starts were exceptionally (very much out of the norm) higher in Q2. Just sayin’……
#129 Young Canadian on 08.10.12 at 9:09 am
———————————————–
That’s a modest salary for the bigger, more expensive centres.
In Hamilton you could live like a king — in Toronto, not so much.
Am l supposed to feel sorry for Steph?
What, nobody figured out why dumping him isn’t an option? My bet is that he’s knocked her up, and she hasn’t told him yet.
At 35, she’s right to doubt that she’ll have the time to exit this relationship and start over to build a family with a new man. What’s more, if she has the kid, she’s linked to the father for life, and will probably not get sole custody (he “owns” a home, and she doesn’t) AND she’ll likely have to pay child AND spousal support while cutting short her maternity leave to go back to work.
Her only real choice is to take the raw material that she has, and build it into the man that she needs him to be.
Good luck with that…
#155 Smoking Man
WTF ?
Didn’t you ever watch old Twilight Zone?
Remember that one where the guy gets shot , wakes up and sees his afterlife guide (Sebastion Cabot), who grants his ever wish…
After a while he realizes he is NOT in heaven…
You still don’t remember that Amazon mob at the ladies shoe sale and that penny you tried to pickup ????
Garth,
When are you holding an even in Toronto? We’re waiting for you!
Soon. — Garth
This may be mean, but there is no way I’d move in with, let alone marry a woman who has a pile of debt. Just not worth it and will cause nothing but arguments while trying to sort it out. As an intelligence test, the debt test is a good one. Show me your portfolio ladies.
Steph, ditch the loser.
RUN, Steph, RUN away as fast as you can….just think of the life you will have if you stay with this guy. He keeps getting bailed out by his mom and once she has had enough he will look for you to bail him out. When I was dating my wife she had some credit card debt and was living paycheque to paycheque (no where near 75k). I had enough of it and told her one day that this kind of lifestyle was not in my future and that if she didn’t change her ways I was out the door. It was her choice, she changed her ways. She paid off her credit cards, started investing monthly and no longer lives paycheque to paycheque. In your case I would just leave, he is too far gone!
170 AprilNewwest
Not a pumper a recent dumper. Just amazed at the ongoing RE baiting propaganda in the press, tv, radio, newspaper, trolls….sarcasm.
The only lesson to be learned in this post is that size DOES matter. That’s the only possible reason she’d stay with this guy.
And to the posters claiming 66k isn’t enough to pay monthly bills… give your head a shake… that is well above the average Canadian salary. Buy less nail polish maybe if you can’t meet a budget on that salary.
People are such spoiled, entitled brats – makes me sick to my stomach.
well steph The majority of the dawgs feel drop this guy already . have to agree it doesnt look like a good relationship…
Steph,
You’re in a horrible position. You don’t say how old he is or why you are with him… You’re 35. Do you want kids? How is future husband going to take care of kids if he can’t take care of himself?
If he is serious about you, he needs to grow up. There really is now choice – he has to sell and settle his debts.
Do that math. 75K credit card + 10K car + 475K mortgage (5% down on 500K). Consolidate the debt with the mortgage. Even if mom doesn’t ask for money back, that’s 560K of debt… that won’t be paid off until you are freaking 70 years old!
70 years old woman! Give your head a shake!
smileyycc… we should date. I’m financially responsible.
Steph my heart bleeds for you, so go to youtube, and listen to what Carole King has to say with her hit song called, “It’s Too Late”. Need I say more?
#105 Smoking Man
Does THE MOVE, move your brain to another planet? This may explain things.
alien88: After my Thai girlfriend visited her mother in Phuket, I told her she had to move out
alien is right
Unemployment rates in Canada. CBC News.
Vancouver
June 6.4%
+
July 6.8% = motivated seller’s.
China- growth, not.
Grim. That was nothing. Get caught in lake ontario after indulging in some vodka when you tryed to get me in that storm. 6 foot waves nise touch. I caumly slipped the new re mastered darkside of the moon into the cd and cranked track 5. Gig in the sky. Trimed it up and said come and get me.
Side note. Re move. If you do it right guys your lady should should sing that wordless death cry like the most un recognized supper voice lady. Clair Tory
Actuly. Stephs hubby sound like a real FTB. Dude.
Woman allways love the bad boys
That damn. SUBMIT. Button again
How about this Gartho
Post
Transmit
Upload content
Send it
Up it
Push it
Say it
SUBMIT ? is that what they teach at Bilderberg Bohemian Grove. Muskoka.
Just asking
The scale is not balanced in this relationship. What if he never changes are you willing to stay with him? People usually do not change by much. They are who they are. Take him as he is or do not waste your time on dreams.
Wow, new canadian, how disgustingly sexist of you to judge a woman based on her propensity to breed. If you haven’t noticed, the human race is multiplying much faster than the earth can sustain it. She should be applauded for her restraint.
I suppose you think ‘Octomom’ is providing a public service by supplying the world with more consumers, despite the fact she has no means to support them and must rely on welfare.
I agree with Garth – you’re sick.
he’s going to FEDERLINE you!
Ontario’s July unemployment rate for men aged 15 and over rose to 8.5% from 7.9% last year.
Stephanie, dump him. He is not a smart fellow. You two are very different. Too much debt for what he makes. If you stay with him, it will not end well.
okay, am I the only one who assumed that “Steph” was “Stephen”, and he was complaining about his boyfriend?
Garth, when you addressed her as “Stephanie” I was kind of flummoxed. Are you sure she is a she?
I think guys like Marco from Vancouver would be in for a bit of a shock….I think that Steph is a “he”. Mind you, he’d still be a catch for someone but maybe not our $450K per year executive w crazy chef skills and lots of hetero confidence……
Steph…..can you please clarify? thx
Four letters… D U M B
I don’t care how much you love this guy.
Eventually finances come into play.
You’ll never be happy if you guys aren’t on the same page finance-wise.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but reality is a bitch.
I think Smoking Man wants his button to read ” NSF: Bend Over “
#163 SmileyYYC
It’s tough to find Garth-worthy men these days! :)
– — –
It’s because they don’t hang out in the same places at debt ridden guys. From now on, whenever you see a crowd of guys happy and spending money freely, that’s NOT them. Understand? lol
Maybe dating sites in the future should include credit scores. Just to weed out the unworthy. Or maybe Garth could just start a new site:
mHarmony® (m is for money)
development zones ?
http://www.thebureauinvestigates.com/2012/08/09/london-is-the-global-capital-of-money-laundering/
London is the ‘global capital of money-laundering’
August 9th, 2012 | by Tom Costello | Published in All Stories, Bureau Recommends
…”Brooks has spent months tracking high-profile corruption cases as they make their way through British courts. He zeroes in on one of the most outrageous cases, that of James Ibori, former governor of the Delta State in Nigeria, who between 1999 and 2007, funnelled £200m of pounds of state money through British banks to fund an outrageously lavish lifestyle.
While many Nigerians went without basic education and social care, Ibori spent stolen loot
on a Bentley, private school fees for his children, properties in Hampstead, a fleet of armoured Range Rovers and dozens of gambling trips to Las Vegas.
With the help of a British solicitor, Bhadresh Gohil, Ibori managed to sneak Nigerian wealth out of the country and launder it through HSBC and Barclays bank accounts.
It’s a complex story, in which dirty money zips between secretive tax havens, obscure front companies, and British high street banks. But, as Sasha Wass QC told the jury at Ibori’s eventual trial, ‘If you’re confused by this … that is exactly the idea.’…
@#129, who wrote:
A $66,000 SALARY IS MODEST??!! When I think of all the people I know across Canada, only my dad and maybe one of my friends actually pull down a salary in that range. I’m talking educated, cultured, capable people….
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Ah, but you see, #129, the people who post here are MUCH smarter and richer than you. That’s why they spend their evenings here, hanging on every word, seeking positive reinforcement. Some of them are even paying to go to a talk that will no doubt involve all kinds of new insight that they crave. it’s tough being so rich and smart, unlike the rest of us, with our mediocre salaries, savings, and fancy book learnin’
#20 GLK
Thanks for the link about Quebec foreclosures.
it’s the humans that are corrupt not the vulture funds (neutral money)? Is that like saying it’s not the guns but the human using the gun ?
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The humerous reasoning of By Molly Ivins
anti- gun but pro knife
Taking A Stab At Our Infatuation With Guns
http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=19930315&slug=1690536
=====================
Court rejects $100m ‘vulture fund’ claim against Congo’s state miner
July 19th, 2012 | by Alice Ross | Published in All Stories, Commodities, Corporate Watch
Opaque offshore activities
Gécamines, its offshore joint ventures, and opaque mining deals have been the focus of increasing attention in recent months. Transparency campaigning group Global Witness and MP Eric Joyce have each published reports highlighting concerns over a series of deals where significant assets or stakes in assets appear to have been sold by Gécamines to opaque offshore companies for well below their market value.
Deals have gone through offshore jurisdictions including Jersey, Gibraltar, the BVI and Hong Kong, making it almost impossible to discover their ownership. Registering companies in such locations also offers a way for companies to reduce their tax, by moving profits offshore.
Eric Joyce estimates that such deals amount to a $5.5bn loss to the Congolese people. Global Witness highlights the fact that almost nothing is known about the ownership structure of the offshore companies buying the assets, posing a significant corruption risk.
There is no suggestion of corruption in the case of GTL and Gécamines.
Joyce told the Bureau: ‘The issue for the DRC isn’t the $100m of debt FG Hemisphere is pursuing from the DRC. That sounds like a lot of money – but compared to the billions that are being lost each year to graft it’s a drop in the ocean. It’s the corruption that’s keeping the country on its knees, not the vulture funds.’
In June the Bureau reported that the IMF has suspended payments of a $551m loan to the DRC. One of the conditions for the loan was that the government should publish details of its mining deals and generally improve transparency in the sector. But Gécamines refused to comply with the transparency rules, claiming that as a separate entity it had commercial confidentiality responsibilities to its clients.
In June, FG Hemisphere failed in its attempts to claim the debt in the Hong Kong courts, when judges ruled that foreign states are immune from prosecution in Hong Kong’s courts.
State Immunity
State immunity is based on the concept that all states recognise each other as equal sovereigns. The court of one state will not exercise its jurisdiction if the party to be sued is a foreign state. This principle is known as absolute immunity under the common law. It is, however, subject to some exceptions one of which arises when the foreign state voluntarily submits to the jurisdiction of another state. Developed countries such as the United Kingdom have adopted one further exception to this strict rule. The foreign state will be stripped off its immunity if it is being sued in respect of a commercial transaction or a contract to be performed wholly or partly in the forum state, i.e. the state other than the one which claims state immunity. Such variation is known as restrictive immunity.
http://www.thebureauinvestigates.com/2012/07/19/100m-vulture-claim-against-congos-state-miner-rejected/
=
The Agenda with Steve Paikin: John Ralston Saul: Moving Beyond Globalism
http://ww3.tvo.org/video/179861/john-ralston-saul-moving-beyond-globalism
On the other hand, the People’s Republic of China has at all times granted absolute
immunity to other countries and claims the same for itself. The Hong Kong courts had
adopted the UK position on state immunity before the handover, i.e. the doctrine of restrictive
immunity. However no local legislation has been enacted on state immunity after the
handover and the Hong Kong position was unclear before Democratic Republic of the Congo and Others v FG Hemisphere Associates LLC FACV5/2010 was heard by the Court of Final Appeal.”
…”Nick Dearden of the Jubilee Debt Campaign said in a statement: ‘We welcome the fact that these funds will not flow into the coffers of a secretive vulture fund which tries to unfairly profit from the past debt distress of impoverished countries… But greater questions remain about this case. Why is DRC’s mining wealth being fought over in faraway Jersey?’…
While many Nigerians went without basic education and social care, Ibori spent stolen loot
on a Bentley, private school fees for his children, properties in Hampstead, a fleet of armoured Range Rovers and dozens of gambling trips to Las Vegas.
With the help of a British solicitor, Bhadresh Gohil, Ibori managed to sneak Nigerian wealth out of the country and launder it through HSBC and Barclays bank accounts.
It’s a complex story, in which dirty money zips between secretive tax havens, obscure front companies, and British high street banks. But, as Sasha Wass QC told the jury at Ibori’s eventual trial, ‘If you’re confused by this … that is exactly the idea.’
New word,
Stockedbyhome Syndrome.
This topic should be setting off alarm bells in every man cave out there.
Moral of story…
Guys if you ever come across a gal like Steph, run!!!
don’t waste your time on her… she’s not worth it!
she will never give you the money. Much easier to rob a bank. If you’re caught you won’t get much over 10 yrs.
Steph is a life sentence.
Guys be free… propagate… buy condos
Hug your mom!
Women..can’t live with them…and can’t live with them.
I harken back to the good olde days…Lady Godiva….man was she hot.
Original feminist yes….but dammit….when we dated…she made sure I had my back rubbed….martini made…scythe sharpened….hooded robe cleaned…and did my “quota” accounting.
Nowadays….they want equality…are you kidding????…..Eve never even thought of that .
watch wrist westling
placement ads
The Olympic Tax Exemption: It Gets Worse
August 9, 2012 03:16 PM | Permalink |
http://www.ctj.org/taxjusticedigest/archive/2012/08/the_olympic_tax_exemption_dumb.php
http://www.taxtv.com/the-truth-on-taxation-of-olympic-gold-medals/#.UCQF9KASHZ_
http://www.theprovince.com/business/lost+jobs+July+Canadian+unemployment+rate+rises/7071600/story.html
B.C. lost 15,000 jobs in July as Canadian unemployment rate rises
Unexpected decline biggest since October
–
#193 TNT — Interesting figures, and everything is playing out, or leveling off as it should. Then the trapdoor opens, and we’re cascading into nothingness!
*
Crackingyerballs Europe’s elite a little uncomfortable? Plus 11 Things, but first para. tells it; EZone or Japan Which one takes the fall into nothingness? GS Isn’t this just ticketyboo? Oblastit The first three green energy projects wet under, plans for seven new ones introduced. All at taxpayers’ expense; Sensationalist Reporting from Reuters? Hmmm; Libor Invalidating everything in sight;
*
Preparing Something else happening in the world we don’t know about? Beam us up, Scotty More for science fiction / fact buffs. Teleportation; Louisiana Sinkhole That’ll get the NMF rocking; Using GW as a tool for a new world tax. Incl. Soros, Rockefeller, etc.; The TPP No m$m coverage for a reason; 2:42 clip NYPD and Microsoft begin new spying project, and Supercomputer involving MSoft and NYPD will watch everyone all the time (unless someone pulls the plug); Free Land Undersea ‘cano creates new island near NZ; Liquuid Protein or Water As long as it’s Pina Colada flavored, I don’t care; Hot Dog Stand Now the family is homeless; Homeopathy is big pharma’s next target.
#129 Young Canadian on 08.10.12 at 9:09 am
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That’s a modest salary for the bigger, more expensive centres.
In Hamilton you could live like a king — in Toronto, not so much.
___________________
I’ve only ever lived in the bigger centers. I lived well enough for years in nice rented condos in Vancouver on half that salary. I even supported myself and my wife during her 18-month MBA program at UBC.
I am 22, no kids, make 3 million per year; have 10 million saved…. blah blah blah… this blog is starting to spoil. I’m finished with it.
#158:
We have equality- get with the times. We just want losers like you to go away now :)
Is Mr. Carney speaking to this?
…”CEOs structure their own compensation and they generally ensure that they will become wealthy. They are not “paid to maximize profits.” Banks, for example, often maximize reported (albeit fictional) profits – and the best way to do that is often to maximize real losses through the accounting control fraud recipe.”
http://neweconomicperspectives.org/2012/08/eduardo-porters-folly-why-we-must-end-the-race-to-the-bottom.html#more-2863
Jim- nice try. More likely some men are fearful of strong, successful women. (If dude in the pic is any indication of the type of man we’re talking about, your single friends are probably better off :)
I believe the stats reveal that more women in Canada have babies after 35 and well into their 40s (many by accident as they let down their guard thinking they can’t) than teenagers these days.
#165 Bongwater (??)
That was some projections :) Nicely done! haha
#215 Young Canadian on 08.10.12 at 7:57 pm
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yes, exactly, it’s a modest salary. 66k/yr to support 2 people in Toronto would dry up pretty quickly. You’re not going to get ahead on that salary.
#155 Smoking Man
Garth please change the name of your post button. Please lose SUBMIT. Very painful to click on that word
– — –
Suck it up Princess…
Smoked Man,
don’t bother tempting fate: God doesn’t want you, and the devil isn’t ready for you yet.
Steph is his mother trying to play hardball for him? Look what I’ll do for my boy – why shouldn’t you.
He reads like a confidence trickster with no worries about his situation. Has he declared bankrupty before? Has he been married before?
Is he the only man who’s ever charmed you and why is leaving him not an option. Has he worked it that way or have you?
Okay I’ll give you this. Try renting & living with him. Have you lived with him? Together – the only way a couple find out about each other.
…Brother Carney sounding all pissy again…
D ont worry is acting! House price are not high enough! Go to school, get a job, and get a debt!
#206 Graham on 08.10.12 at 4:33 pm
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You people crack me up.
Give me $40,000/yr and I’ll gladly live in small BF town nowhere.
Give me $100,000/yr and I’ll live in Toronto.
Give me $150,000 and I’ll live in Vancouver.
You see, salary is all relative.
I call bullshit on LH @ 28. Ginormous too much fibre and burritos let em fly til your eyes pop bullshit.
Man…..I’m actually starting to read the comments…..save me…
226 Bottoms – something you might find interesting.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purchasing_power_parity
Great article and advice Garth. Stephanie needs to dump that loser or he will suck her dry after his Mama runs out of money which sounds like it may be soon. So hard to find good guys these days….
Hey Steph,
I don’t have debt and just as much in the bank…and i’m good looking. ;). Call me…
[…] The problem […]
Hi Stephanie,
I have savings, own the house, have a driver’s licence and a car.
How about a coffee???
I don’t like to give advice without knowing a lot about a person’s situation & even then, they’ll probably just ignore me.
I receive a lot of jokes but hadn’t heard of this one.
“My trip to the store…
There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning.
When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”
Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally ubsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer! “
@#204 a prairie dawg
Sign me up for mHarmony! :) I’m actually surprised Garth hasn’t started that up yet.
The tougher mortgage rules just unleashed last week may discourage more Canadians from getting into the housing market,
but international investors are not bothered much, if at all.
The condo markets in both Vancouver and Toronto are both prime draws for the international crowd,
may of which plunk down a hefty 20 percent down payment, making them exempt from the new government rules.
Yahoo – Last of the carpet has been removed from our house. Hardwood will be delivered tomorrow. Neighbour is painting Master B’room (already did 2 piece ensuite after DH replaced everything & laid tiles). DH & a friend will lay the hardwood as he has experience. Hopefully most of the work will be completed when I get back from Mtl.
Also, OT I just read a really touching story.
http://thechronicleherald.ca/artslife/125977-a-doctor-s-amazing-privilege
Steph – you are in with him AND his mom. Three’s a crowd. She is an enabler, you are just about there too. He may not not be looking upon you fondly, just seeing dollar signs, someone useful for the moment. When he looks at you, imagine he is thinking you are a joke. He will drop you if you keep up your responsible attitude. He finds it tiresome, and that is not why he is tolerating you. Its about the money. You are better than this, get out and be confidant. You are worth so much more.